Off on Another Adventure

As of a few days ago I have been home for THREE WHOLE MONTHS! Wowza. I can hardly believe it. Or the adventures I've been on since coming back! Haha. So, my plan in coming home was to go back to UWEC and get a nursing degree. That didn't happen. The whole time I was there I just had a voice in the back of my head asking "What are you doing here?!" I was back and forth on my decision but in the end decided not to continue. And I felt soooo relieved! I don't know how to explain my whole decision making process in deciding to go back and then deciding to not go back, but in the time since leaving again I feel like God really has called me to where I am currently. So, upon leaving the University I decided to look into nannying, and after talking a little with a family that I'm good friends with, the Karguses, I decided to move to WA with them to help homeschool their girls for what remains of the school year. So, I'm here in Washington as of about a week and a half ago. Yeah, left home again two weeks ago. It was a little strange to be saying goodbye again so soon, but I knew it would only be for three months, and somehow it didn't seem so bad just moving across the country as opposed to going down south again : )  Anyways, I only left two weeks ago, and it's been fairly chaotic riding out here and then helping unpack enough to fill a house, but in some ways it has been so incredibly restful for me. I don't know if it's just because I'm in a new environment and not surrounded by people I know and things to do, but I've just had a lot of time to "recover" in a way. It's hard to explain exactly how I felt after returning from Bolivia, but I was just very beaten down in many ways, and I feel like I've finally arrived at a place where I'm "healthy" again. Those of you who have been on the missions field (and possibly a lot of you who haven't) can probably understand what I mean when I say that. I don't know if it's just been more focused set apart time in the word or prayer or just finally enough time and distance between me and Bolivia, but I just feel refreshed in a way I can't explain, and I'm very thankful to the Lord for that. Anyway, I'll be in Washington till May, then head back home for some graduation stuff for my lil bro : )  And then this summer I will be working at Arrowhead again, and after that... we'll see I guess. As always I have tons of options, and as always I'm excited to see where the Lord leads. Back here, back home, somewhere new... who knows? But I'm excited for where I'm at right now, and I'm excited for this summer, and I just look forward to whatever journey God chooses to send me on next. He is faithful. Thanks to all who have continued to pray for me as I adjust to life back here in the States. It's definitely been an adventure!

Three Weeks of Being Home

   I'm in a bit of a weird spot. I've been home for three weeks now, and I feel like I'm just on vacation. I've gotten a few emails from the director of the home with updates on the kids and have talked with my dear friend Laura and heard how all is going down there. Boy do I miss them. The home has a new baby now- Andy. He was found left laying behind the wheel of car. He was two days old. After calling aroudn to a number of the homes to find a place for him they called Judah Quy, and they decided to take him in. I saw pictures, he's so precious! In my mind I thought wow, I can't wait to meet him! But then realized I probably won't. Wow. I never spent more than 10 or 11 days away from the home- it's so weird!! Otherwise the kids are doing pretty well. The other little baby, Miguel, appears to have anemia, so they're working on getting him some vitamins to help with that, otherwise his virus numbers are continuing to go down which is leading us to believe that perhaps he really doesn't have HIV. Praise God! Esperanza is doing better and better. She has amoebas and diarrhea at the moment but is finally putting on some weight! She's up around 5 kilos, or 11lbs,  which seems like something we've been working at for forever!! So that's very encouraging. I haven't gotten much news on the others, so I would guess they're all doing well : )  I got to see some pictures from a Christmas part they had with the Hoffmans (the director's family) and they all looked like they were doing really well. I miss my babies!!
   Things here are going pretty well. Adjusting hasn't been quite as painful as I expected, but it still has it's moments. Like when I'm looking at pictures of my kids and break down crying. Or the other day when I was setting up a little bit of a budget. Goodness gracious. Life is blasted expensive here! Wow. When I was in Bolivia I was not paying monthly car insurance, I had to buy credit for my phone which cost me maybe 7 dollars a month (compared to 35-ish here) I didn't have a car to put gas in, I just took a bus or a cab wherever I needed to go (or walked), I had free rent, and food was ridiculously cheap in comparison. So that's been a little rough. And I miss my friends. It's hard to go from being invested in someones everyday life to not talking with them more than once every two weeks. It really sucks! On a happier note, it has been good to be home. I love my family, got to spend Christmas with them, and it's been fun to just catch up on "normal life" that everyone here has continued to have despite my absence. I'm involved in a super wonderful Bible study with a group of people that I absolutely love. It's so encouraging to have a night or two a week to spend with people that are incredibly on fire for the Lord, not only in things they say but also in what they do, how they live their lives. Some of them are friends I've had for a number of years, some I just met two weeks ago, but when I'm with them my heart feels at home, and I am so blessed to be a part of that group. Today I went and talked with my old boss and it looks like I will be going back to work in another week or two, which will be nice. It's fun to have some down time, but I also start to get a little restless after a while. Especially after this past year where I was almost always doing something. It's weird to just sit around! For a while it's nice, but then it starts to get old. I'm enrolled in classes at UWEC for nursing, short one that I need. Hopefully someone will drop it during the first week. I need chem 103 before I can get into a few other science classes I need to get into the nursing program, so we'll see how that goes. But, I guess that's about where I'm at. Life sucks sometimes, but for the most part it's not too bad :)  God has blessed me immensely, and I often can only sit in awe of all the things He's done for me and done in my life. He is one great God.

MILK!!

Here's a brief list of things that I missed while in Bolivia and have been enjoying since returning home (these are in no particular order):
-MILK! (I really like milk. They have milk in Bolivia, it just tastes really disgusting.)
-Snow
-Watching the Packers on a big screen (or just not via skype)
-Arguing with my Dad
-Being able to text my friends
-Deep fried cheese curds
-Frozen Pizza
-Driving!
-Cold weather
-So many friends and family members
-Being able to have deep meaningful conversations without having to ask "huh?", "what?" and "What does that mean?" all the time (ok, not all the time, but enough that it was annoying)


However, there is now a long list of things I miss in Bolivia (also in no particular order):
-MY BABIES!! Oh I miss them!!
-Chicken and rice. I ate that maybe half a dozen times while I was there, but now I'm just craving it!
-SPEAKING SPANISH! I'm afraid I'm gonna lose it
-Being able to get anywhere I wanted to go in 20 minutes or less for 3 dollars or less.
-Mi amiga Laura
-My church
-Cheap living expenses
-Coca-cola made with sugar
-saltenas
-A long list of missionary friends and Bolivians who had become much like family
-Micros
-Warm weather
-Did I mention my babies??

So as you can see, my world is now somewhat divided in two. I love being home (usually) but in some ways, oh how I long to return! I try not to dwell on the things I left behind, as it only makes it harder to move on, but as you can imagine I will always carry a piece of Bolivia with me wherever the road leads. I just pray it takes me back there someday soon.

Eight Days

    I finished my time at the home nearly a week ago now, and I can still hardly believe that I've begun the transition from life in Bolivia to life at home. My last shift was Wednesday night of last week and since then I have been free to catch up on sleep, spend some time with friends, and do lots and lots of souvenir shopping! I have been back to the home twice- once for a despedida (goodbye) and then today I went back to just to spend a few hours hanging out with the kids. It was great to go back and see them but strange in a way. It's nice to be able to just hang out and not have all the responsibility, although I did everything I would normally have done anyway. It's beginning to hit me though just how much I am going to miss them! I will be very sad to have to tell them goodbye. But it has also been a good time of being away from the home and trying to prepare for being back at my home. I'm still not sure how I will handle everything (if I'll be able to remain pretty chill or if I'll do a little freaking out...) but I know, I know, I know that God will be with me regardless of how I react to all the changes, and for that I am incredibly thankful. I keep thinking about/remembering back to when I had eight months left and was impressed that I had already made it through nearly three months here. How bizarre to now only have eight days. And wow, what a packed eight days they should be! I feel like I should have started gearing up to leave about a month ago... maybe then I'd be more ready. But, I've still got a few slots of free time to squeeze people in that I haven't "penciled in" yet, and I have a couple chunks of time to spend with my babies, and I think more than anything that's what I'll end up having wanted to do. Oh how I will miss those sweet little bundles of joy! Or annoying little bundles of tears and screams... either way you put it, I'm going to miss them so much. Thanks so much all who continue to pray for me! You are greatly appreciated. I'm a little nervous about how these next two to three weeks play out, but I am excited that this time should involve getting to catch up with many of you that I haven't been able to keep up with very well in my time here. Excited to see you all soon! God Bless!

"Christmas" Cookies

We got out the fake Christmas tree today and were putting up some decorations so of course we had to make some Christmas cookies too!

 I got the cookies in the oven and frosting whipped up and started digging around for the food coloring.

That's when we ran into a little trouble. Well, I'm quick on my feet, so when I realized that we only had blue and yellow food coloring I (like any proud Wisconsinite)

 came up with the brilliant plan to make "Yay For Being 11-0" cookies instead of "Christmas" cookies : )

I mean what other options did I really have?

Happy Thanksgiving

Things I'm thankful for today-

     -A group of 60 fellow missionaries to have a Thanksgiving feast with
     -Three girls to go out for iced coffee with and enjoy a stroll around the plaza
     -Getting to watch the Packers continue their undefeated streak via a projector equaling a really nice sized screen
     -Having Skype and getting to call home to chat with friends and family
     -Running water (we for some reason ran out for a when we still had dishes left to wash! After a few hours it came back)
     -My babies! And getting the opportunity to watch them grow and experience new things and see new places
     -Christmas music
     -All of you who are supporting and praying for me!!
     -And more than all else I'm thankful for Christ's love, grace, and mercy towards me

...I am so blessed! May God bless you richly as you have been a blessing in my life! Happiest of Thanksgivings to you all.

With Love from Bolivia,
  Samantha

November News

Hello Everyone!

    Just wanted to send up a quick update and let you know how things are going down here in Bolivia! The biggest news is that Esperanza is back in the hospital. She came down with an infection last week and went in Saturday- she should be there for a total of about ten days. She is doing better though! They've got her on some strong antibiotics and she is responding well. It appears that she has pneumonia in one lung and possibly a bone infection. Hopefully things will be cleared up in the next week with the meds she's on- we miss having her at the home! Prayers are much appreciated. It's been a little crazy at the home lately as well. We have six kids there now and the schedule has been rearranged to have two people stay the night but now there are also usually only two people on during the day. So, with Esperanza in the hospital it means there is one person there with her and one person at the home with the other five- three two-year-olds and two that are four months or younger. So between taking care of them and cooking and cleaning and doing laundry- lets just say it gets to be a bit chaotic. We have been blessed to have several volunteers coming to help us out while we are short staffed, but what we really need is someone to fill the one remaining staff position that's open. Then I'm leaving in a month, and another worker is leaving in January, so we really are looking for three people to come pretty quickly, so prayers are appreciated for that as well! I know of a girl that is pretty seriously looking at coming down from the States, and another Bolivian friend here is beginning to think and pray about it, so that's exciting, but we'll see how it works out. Other than that things are going pretty well at the home. The other kids are healthy for the most part, and it's just a joy to work where I do. I would also ask for prayers for myself as I'm getting ready to come home in less than a month!! I have two more weeks of working at the home and then two-ish weeks of possibly doing some traveling, and then saying goodbyes and such. On some levels I'm ecstatic to finally be coming home, but at the same time I know there will be many sad goodbyes. It will be an interesting time of transition, so I'm both excited and nervous.
     Thanks so much for your prayers! I'm excited to be seeing you all soon! Enjoy the snow for me if you can : )

~Samantha

Immigration

     Immigration. This is a place where I have "wasted" more than a few hours of my life when I don't want to be there and seem to accomplish nothing, but alas, every now and again I have a decent time there. Let me explain- I turned in papers in March to get my visa, they said it should be ready by the end of the month, and I still don't have it back. Need I say more? I feel like they're playing games, making up new requirements and searching for ridiculous things to make me do to have me waste more time and money. It's not my favorite place, and frankly, the people there can be down right annoying. But if I can get past all that, I actually have a decent time waiting in line/waiting for my name to be called.
     This is the place where everyone trying to come to or leave the country for any chunk of time has to go to file paperwork. This means for tons of people of all sorts of nationalities to wind up there- obviously Bolivians, Brazilians, Argentinians, Koreans, Americans, Chileans- you name it. You know what? God made people BEAUTIFUL! I love seeing all the different shapes of faces, colors of hair/skin/eyes, hearing the different languages and different Spanish or English accents of people from different areas. I am already a fan of "people watching" and you could hardly find a better place to do it. I'm so amused at people's inability to wait/listen to directions. I feel bad for the lady at the desk- what part of "Sientese" (take a seat) do you people not understand?? I know you want to figure out your paperwork- dude, that's why we're ALL freaking sitting here. You pestering the lady is just slowing it down for all of us, INCLUDING yourself. If you didn't want to wait so long, get here earlier! Learned that lesson today- yeah, wash laundry AFTER your trip to immigration. Ahh well, I didn't have anything else on my schedule for the day.
      On a side note, they told me to come back next wednesday or thursday to see if what I had turned in was acceptable. So I guess the trips will continue another week or two.... Immigration, what a love hate relationship we have.

Noncommittal

  Simply put, I'm a fairly noncommittal person. Looking back, I can hardly believe I came to Bolivia for a year. I think I've had a job once that I stayed at for a year, before coming here in 2007, but other than that I've never stuck with anything for that long. During school, I had nine months of work and three months of break/play. Any job I had (other than that one) I've always had for up to nine months, then went to Arrowhead for the summer to work, and then returned. So, really, in some ways I've never really made much of a committment to anything. I think it's for this reason that I'm so nervous about making decisions concerning college in January. I had a friend advise me that due to the competition in Nursing Programs in general, and the different classes that each school is going to list as requirements, the best way to go is to pick a school and stick with it for the entire program. Wow. I don't know exactly how long it will take me to study, but I'm guessing it won't be anything less than four year. FOUR YEARS! of my life, committed to one place. Granted, I'll have my summers free again to do what I want, but if I'm thinking about returning to the missions field (which I am) I'm going to want to graduate with as little debt as possible so I'm not stuck, in a sense. So I'll be working during my summers. Ugh. Yeah, noncommittal indeed. I know four years is not that long in the whole scheme of things, but, from where I'm standing right now, it's a good chunk of time! I know that God is calling me back to school, but that still doesn't make me very excited to go.

My New Baby

Internet is down at my house, so I'm not able to upload pictures, but I wish I could so you could all see my beautiful new baby Mariana! She is a year and a half old and arrived at the home Wednesday afternoon. It's been a couple of interesting days for her, that's for sure. My heart breaks for her, as she spends a fair amount of crying, staring and pointing at the gate, longing to go home, I'm sure. However, in her moments of distractedness she brings me much joy- her smile and laugh are so incredibly adorable!! I can never understand how on earth these parents can just give their kids away. She is slowly adjusting to life at the home. My other little girl, Abigail, loves having another little girl to play with. She's getting used to the schedule and is getting to know each of us workers little by little, but it's still easy to tell it's all a little (or very, really) foreign to her. I'm trying to imagine the thought process a child like that goes through being taken from a family setting, no matter how awful, and being thrown into a completely new environment where she nothing and no one is familiar to him/her. But it does make me happy to know that she is now in a place where she will have people taking good care of her and loving her and playing with her like a little girl her age needs. She is such a sweetheart. We need to take her to the doctor to find out how her health is, but as far as we can tell she doesn't have any outstanding health issues, but is just in need of a home and a little love. I'll have to get a picture up of her soon- she's such a little princess. Please pray for her and us through the adjusting process. It's different for every child, of course, but it reminds me a little bit of Diego's first week, and I know it was pretty rough- some moments were happy, some sad, some screaming wanting to leave, and just hard over all. It's hard to watch a child have to go through.

Recovery

Esperanza's back at the home! Wow, open heart surgery Monday, back at the home Thursday- that's pretty quick! We have her pretty well separated from the other kids, because ideally she would have spent a few more days in the hospital, but for a number of reasons she's back at the home a little early. However, this does speak of how rapidly she is recovering!! She stayed in the ICU until she came back with us, but the fact that she's already healthy enough to come home is incredible to me! Until Monday we will keep her pretty isolated for her own sake. Her lungs have some slime in them at the moment, which is typical after this type of surgery, and already normal for her because of her cleft lip and cleft pallet, but we have a physical therapist coming in each day to do chest compressions to help loosen up the flem, and we have her on a special schedule of moving her around in her crib/just changing her position to try and keep the fluids loose inside in the hopes of getting them out. Also, she's on a pretty rigid medicine intake. However, it's exciting to have her back. She's not quite back to herself completely, but she smiles and kicks around some when she's feeling a little better, which is really encouraging. You can tell she's still in some pain, but she is doing really really good for how recent she had her surgery. Thanks for all who have been praying! Monday she will have an appointment to see how recovery is going and then after that life will be able to go a little bit "back to normal" for her, although I'm sure we'll be keeping an extra good eye on her for more than a few more weeks to make sure she's getting better as she should.

Yay Surgery!

Yesterday was the big day! Esperanza finally got her surgery!! Yaayyyyyy : D  She went in Sunday evening to be prepped for surgery. The operation started around 8am Monday morning and by 11 or so she was all finished. They had thought she may be on a respirator for up to a day but came off in a mere six hours, and she appears to be doing really, really well. Kristin, the director of the home, got to go see her for just two or three minutes, and says she's looking great. Lots of tubes and everything, but she said her color has never been better. She's currently in the ICU and should be there another day or so, and then will be in the hospital up to a week depending on how she is. So, thank you all for praying! I can hardly believe it finally happened. After waiting for nearly nine months it's strange that every thing we waited for happened in just three hours. Couldn't this have happened eight months ago?? But, it's all done and all's going well now, so I suppose I can't complain. I'll be excited to see how she is able to put on weight and grow over this next month and a half (and further down the road of course).

News....

Hello Everyone,
  I just wanted to send out a quick note letting you know a couple things-
1) For those of you who didn't know, the family that is adopting my little boy Lucas finally got custody about a week ago! Hooray! So he's no longer at the home, which has been a little sad for me, but not as hard as I would have expected. The family has contacted us a few times and he seems to be doing really well. They said he was very curious about his new home and just taking it all in. He follows his new mom around the house saying "mama, mama" which is a good sign I guess :)
2) WE SCHEDULED HEART SURGERY FOR ESPERANZA!!! I don't think I'll fully believe it till I see/hear that she is on the table being operated on, but we made an appointment for October 17th, and the doctor says she can't wait, so I'm pretty confindent in the fact that it will finally be happening. Finally! You can pray for us as we try and get things in order, find volunteers to help us cover as we'll have to have people at the hospital, etc. I'm so excited but also a little nervous. But she really needs this surgery, and I know that God is in control, and I can trust in Him.
  Thanks for your continued prayers!
God Bless,
Samantha

Mixed Emotions But Hanging In There

     I can think of few other days in which I have been given more reasons to be joyful than this one, but I also find myself a little sad at the same time.  Just around a month ago I was informed that one of the boys at the home I'm working at was going to be adopted. I was told it would probably happen in about a week or two from then, and then every week I heard the same thing, that it was taking a little longer than expected, maybe following week the papers would all be finished. Well, today all the papers finally were finished. The adoptive family went before the judge this morning and were awarded custody of Lucas. Let me tell you, first and foremost this is a HUGE answer to prayers. I am so incredibly thankful that the Lord has provided my little boy with a mommy and daddy that are going to be PERMANENT in his life, Christians, who are going to love him well and teach him about Jesus. I don't have to worry about him when I leave, that he's going to feel abandoned again, or that he'll continued to be moved from children's home to children's home until he's an adult or runs away. God has blessed him and therefore blessed me. However, all that being said, I can't begin to say how much I'm going to miss having this kid in my life! A short time after he got here he latched onto me as his mom, for whatever reason, I really honestly don't know. But, for some reason, I'm the one he'd come to when he got a bump on the head and needed a kiss. He prefered to sit in my lap as opposed to my coworkers. He wanted to hold my hand when we walked to the park. As far as he knew, I was his mama. And while sometimes he was a little overboard- like when he'd scream and cry thinking I was leaving him when I entered the bathroom for two minutes- I don't think I could have enjoyed our relationship more. I have so many fond and funny memories with my little boy- tickle sessions, being painted on with chalk, singing him to sleep at night, eating ice cream when we got to go just the two of us to the grocery store, getting thrown up on when I tried to take him to cine center haha!, teaching him to blow kisses, dressing/doing his hair up for church, celebrating his birthday- the list could go on and on and on. I guess that's why in some ways I couldn't help but feel like they were taking my baby away from me.  It's hard to be someone's mom for nearly eight months and then just have him climb in someone else's car and watch them drive off! However, I'd say I've been holding up much better than expected (by everyone actually, lol). I'm not really one for waterworks, especially in public, so I think my coworkers and boss were a little surprised when three of them got choked up and I didn't. "You seem really chill" one of them told me after he had left. I don't know if it's cuz I cried some ahead of time, or if I just knew far enough ahead of time that it was gonna happen that I prepared myself, or maybe (most likely) God's just giving me an extra helping of grace today. But, overall I'd say I'm hangin in there. I'm remembering lots of fun moments and also wondering how he's doing. Did he fall asleep alright tonight? Does he miss his little companions here? Did he cry? I wish I could see everything in movie format. Ok, that's kinda creepy, but I'm curious, I'm not gonna lie. Anyway, all that to say this- thank you Jesus. You are way more incredible than I could ever imagine. And please give me strength during this next week or so as I adjust to the current strangeness. I miss my little boy! And it'll probably be harder when it hits me a little more that he's really gone. It's still just a little surreal to be honest. Your prayers are appreciated! And for the record I hope to go visit him in a month or something, after he's had some time to adjust. And then maybe once more before I leave. So it's not like I'll never see him again, it's just hard for me to think of him calling someone else "mama". Again, I'm super super thankful for this, but I still definitely have sad selfish feelings too : )  I know this is such a good thing, but it's still hard. But God is gracious and merciful and loving and in control. And I am so incredibly thankful that He did this for my little boy, for His glory, no doubt.

what's goin on in my life these days

     I can hardly believe another month has nearly come and gone. I've been away from home now for over eight months! That is so crazy to me. And only about two and a half months left- just as crazy to me. My time has been going by pretty quickly, but it's been so good.
     A little over a week ago we got the go ahead from the doctor to have Esperanza's surgery, which was very exciting! But now we have to find out where we can have it done- the doctor told us this a day after the team from the States left : (  So, we'll have to find out where and when and how much it will cost and see if we can find some people who would be interesting in giving towards the surgery, which should cost somewhere from 3-10 thousand dollars (if you would feel led to give towards her surgery you could let me or my mom know and I/she can give you more information on where money should go).
     The adoption process for my little boy Lucas is going pretty well, although taking a little longer than first expected. Last week some social workers came to visit the home and the family's home that he'll be moving into, and then today a psycologist came, and the family that's adopting him believes that he will probably be leaving sometime within the week. But, if there's anything I've learned in Bolivia it's that nothing's final till it's absolutely final, so we'll see. In some ways I'm so sad to see him leaving but his adoptive parents have been coming to visit every day so it won't be so shocking to him when he goes, and it's been exciting to see how much he's growing to love them, and it's been nice to get to know them a little better as well. I'm so thankful that he will have a permanent home and a family of his own!!
     Other exciting news- there's a new little one at the home!! This past Wednesday Miguel, an adorable one month old, arrived! He is so incredibly precious, I can't even put it into words. He has HIV, but appears to be pretty healthy. I don't have a lot of experience with kids this small, but he eats every two hours and sleeps most of the time in between, which I feel is probably pretty typical. It's been fun having him, but I'll admit it does add to the chaos! There are now five kids! And four workers, usually three of us scheduled but sometimes only two. It's a little crazy. But thankfully God has been faithful in providing volunteers as we need them.
     More than that things are going well. Everybody seems to be pretty healthy at the moment and the home is running well overall. Some days I'm full of energy and others I'm absolutely exhausted, but I've been spending a lot of time with my friends Heather, Amy, and Suzanne on my days off, visiting other homes or just sleeping at there house, and it's been really refreshing for me. They live a short walk from my place so it's been nice to have a sanctuary from the crying screaming children when I need it! And while I'm still enjoying my time I'm also getting excited about going home and getting back to school. I think I mentioned it in an update months back, but I'm planning to go to school in January to study nursing in hopes of returning to the missions field someday, if that's what God calls me to. I would really like to study at Augustana College in Sioux Falls SD but have also been accepted at UW-Eau Claire, so it will mostly come down to scholarships I'll be offered.
     Anyway, that's a little about the excitement going on in my life at the moment. Thanks for your prayers! Please pray for us as we continue adjusting to all the changes and the upcoming changes as well. It's a very comforting thought to know I have so many people back home holding me up in prayer! Also, I'd love to hear from you all, how you're doing or if there are way I can be praying for you as well! I miss you all and look forward to seeing you in a few short months.

Don't Do Nothing

     I'd just like to preface this by saying that it's not intended to anyone in specific. I just read things- books, facebook posts, what have you, and people are always pointing out what's wrong with the world, and sometimes I just get fired up because people wanna talk about problems but never offer to be part of the solution. So this post is to Christians as a whole, no one specific person. Maybe your doing doing great and accomplishing great things for the Glory of the Lord. Maybe you're going through a rough time and your struggling, wrestling. I don't know. Again, not trying to point fingers, I'm just saying. Anyways...
     What the world needs is more Jesus. As Christians I think we’re aware of this. So why are we not giving the world more of Him? I hear so many people complain about the lack of bold preachers, ask why we have no more Jonathan Edwards or Charles Spurgeons. Well, go preach!! Or, since we're not all called to be preachers, when’s the last time you prayed for your pastor to be filled with boldness?? People think it’s so sad that there are people living in the streets, that there are people dying of hunger- when’s the last time you’ve given someone hurting food to help them out? Maybe they’re not living in front of your house- I bet you could find someone in need if you really wanted to help.  We hear of children living as orphans because they’ve been abused and abandoned or have lost their parents. It’s heartbreaking. When’s the last time you’ve given of your time to love them?  Or prayed for parents for them? Or children that are victims of divorce- have you reached out to them lately? Don’t be a part of the complaining crowd. Be a part of the solution. We could spend forever talking about the needs in this world but if we make no effort to help fix the problem, aren’t we just adding to it? It’s easy to see what’s wrong. But you’re not helping anyone by simply pointing it out. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to point fingers at anyone, or make people feel guilty, not trying to get applause for what I’m doing, cuz really, there’s so much more I could do, more we all could do. I just implore you, please, instead of pointing out flaws with what others are doing, join them! Help them! Learn from them things that work and things that don’t and model your own outreach off of that. But don’t just do nothing. Don’t just talk about the needs of this world. Please don’t choose to do nothing.

Exciting Times

   It's an exciting time at the home right now.  About a week ago we found out that one of our boys is going to be adopted!! I'm a little bit sad because he's the one I most easily connect with and in many ways I feel like he's my son, but knowing that I'd be leaving him in a few months I couldn't be more thankful to God that he'll be going to a permanaent home.  Also last week we got another little girl at the home! She's two and a half and she's absolutely beautiful. Her name is Abigail. She doesn't have any major health issues like the other children of the home, but she comes from an abusive family, and the government agency had nowhere else to put her so we happily took her in. It took a little adjusting, for her and us, but I'd say it's going well. Then, during this coming week, we will probably also be taking in a two-month-old girl. She also has no major health problems that we're aware of, but it will still be interesting to adjust to having one so small around! But I'm really excited. Other great news- Esperanza finally got the ok to have her surgery!! There's no date scheduled yet, and I guess she has to have one more analysis done before it can happen, but we're hoping than that this coming month she'll be able to get an appointment, as I believe a team is coming down from the States that will perform the surgery for free. Thanks so much all who have been praying! Please continue lifting her up in prayer as it gets closer.
   Umm, I guess that's about all for what's going on right now. I think :) Thanks again to all who are prayerfully and financially helping me be here! I am reminded often of the fact that I couldn't be here without all those back at home supporting me. God Bless!

Como Puedo Dejarte?

Mi Querido Hijo,                                                        16/08/2011
   Oh como te amo! Yo no sabia que seria asi. Como te puedo dejar? Nunca hubiera creida que te amaria asi. Pienso de salir en deciembre y empiezo a llorar. Como te puedo dejar? Me acuerdo de este momento, el primer dia que llegaste. Yo estaba en mi cuarto dejcansando y quando me baje estabaj aqui voj. No me di cuenta en ejte momento que llegaria un dia en que lloraria por ti asi. Ya quedan solo quatro meses hasta que me voy y la unica cosa que ejtoy pensando ej que seria mejor salir mas temprano, porque si quedo por maj tiempo solo significa que te voy a causar mas dolor cuando me voy. Como te puedo dejar? Y que vas a pensar tu? Que yo solo era una persona mas en tu vida que te dejo?  Oh Dios, por favor no permitas que sea asi! Oh hijo, por favor, no penses mal de mi, oh mi querido hijo. Como te puedo dejar? Ejtoy imaginandote en tu cuna, en tu silla, al porton, esperando mi llegada como cualquier otro dia, y ejte dia no voy a llegar. Que vas a pensar? Oh como ejtoy orando por ti! Que Dios te de una familia que te ame, que tu puedas crecer en una familia con una mama, un papa, tal vez hermanos y hermanas, y que nunca tendres que pensar/preguntar que si o no estas amado. Que siempre sepas que Dios es tu padre. Mas que todo hijo me oracion es que conozcas al Senor Jesuscristo. Mas que TODO! Si creces en una casa con una familia que te ama- sepa que Dios te ama, y tu familia te vas a fallar.  Si crezcas en hogar mas hogar, y parece que no pueda confiar en nadie, confie en Dios, por que El es contigo siempre. NUNCA TE VA A DEJAR. El mundo es lleno de pecado, y es un triste lugar para vivir. Acuerdate que eso NO ES tu casa- tu casa es en los cielos con Cristo, tu Salvador y Rey. Oh hijo, como ejtoy pidiendo a Dios por ti! Que el venga con Su Espiritu y te de paz. Que siempre pueda sentir Su amor. Mas que todo hijo, tienej que saber que Dios te ama, que Jesuscristo murio en la cruz por TUS pecados, y por fe en El tu puedes estar salvado. Nunca vas a tener mas gozo que cuando estas caminando con El. Nunca.
    Me duele pensar de que despues de que me voy ej posible que jamas sepa lo que esta pasando en tu vida. Pero confio en Dios, y yo se que EL tiene un plan para tu vida, y eso ej mucho mejor que cualquier cosa podria hacer yo para ti. Eso ej la unica que me da paz en ejte momento. Oh hijo, como te puedo dejar? Nunca entendere que hice yo para que me amas asi. No me di cuenta durante que ejtaba pasando, pero ahora puedo ver bien que me amas como mama, y oh como me duele que te tengo que dejar. Siempre has puesto completamente tu confianza en mi, y yo voy a romper este confianza que has tenido. Cuando te dejo por un momento no mas, para ayudar con otro nino, rapidito vienej voj para buscarme. Cuando tengo que usar el bano empiezas a llorar, como nunca voy a regresar, como si fuera otra salida secreta adentro.
    Quiero que sepas que nunca cambiaria al tiempo que he pasado contigo. Cada vez que limpie a tu nariz, cada panal sucio que cambie, cuando te dormiste en mis brazos durante que te ejtaba cantando, cada momento que caminaba contigo jugando afuera, tu mano en la mia, caminando solo para ir a un lado y regresar. Voy a acordar a todo con ARTO gozo por siempre. Oh Fercho, por favor, no penses mal de mi, oh mi hijo. Oh mi hijo. Eres me hijo, como puedo dejarte aqui? Sin saber cuando vuelva, si algun dia te conocere otra vez, si vas a vivir con una familia o solo en hogares. Sin saber quien vas a ser en tres, diez, quince anos. Oh, pero confio en El Senor y los planes que tiene! Que mas puedo hacer? Son mejores que los que tengo yo. "Porque yo se muy bien los planes que tengo para uds- afirma el Senor-, planes de bienestar y no de calamidad, a fin de darles un futuro y una esperanza."-Jeremias 29:11.  En Cristo tienej que poner tu esperanza y confianza. Solo en El. Solo. En. El. Oh como te amo hijo, oh como te amo. Pero Jesus te ama mas. Mucho mucho mas.
   Que Dios te bendiga mi amor! Sepas que alguien en el mundo esta pensando de ti y orando por ti. Siempre seraj mi querido hijo.
   Con abrazos y besos y mas amor que sabes,
Mama Samantha

Above is a letter I wanna leave for one of my boys. For you non-Spanish speakers I translated it to English below. Seriously don't know how I'm going to leave this child here... Prayers are appreciated as my departure is not all that far off! My sincerest hope and prayer that the two of them would be adopted before I leave so that they're not being abadnoned by someone again. Especially the one who really looks to me as his mom. It absolutely breaks my heart to think about it.

My Beloved Son,                                                        08/16/2011
   Oh how I love you!! I didn’t know it would be like this. How am I going to be able to leave you? I never would have thought that I would love you like this. I think about leaving in December and I start to cry. How am I going to be able to leave you? I remember when you first got here. I was in my room resting and came down and you were here. I didn’t realize then that this moment would come one day when I’d cry for you like this. There are only four months left till I leave and the only thing I can think is that it would be better if I were leaving sooner, because the longer I stay the more it means it’s going to hurt you when I leave. How can I leave you? And what are you going to think? That I was just another person in your life that left you? Oh God, please don’t let be! Oh son, please don’t think poorly of me, oh my beloved child. How can I leave you? I just picture you in your crib, your chair, at the gate, waiting for me to arrive like any other day, and I’m not going to come. What are you going to think?  Oh how I’m praying for you! That God would give you a family that loves you, that you would grow up in a family with a mom and dad and maybe brothers and sisters, and that you would never question whether or not you’re loved.  That you would always know that God is your Father. More than anything else I’m praying that you would know the Lord Jesus Christ. More than ANYTHING. If you grow up in a home with a family that loves you- know that God loves you, and your family is going to fail you. If you grow up living in children’s home after children’s home, and it seems like you can’t trust in anyone, trust in God, because He is with you always. HE WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU. The world is full of sin, and it’s a sad place to live. Remember that this is NOT your home- your home is in heaven with Christ, your Savior and King. Oh child, how I’m praying for you! That God would come with His Spirit over you and give you peace. That you would always feel His love. More than anything, you have to know that God loves you, that Jesus died on the cross for YOUR sins, and that by faith in Him you can be saved. You will never have greater joy than when you walk with Him. Never.
  It hurts me to think that it’s possible after I leave that I’ll never know what’s going on in your life. But I trust in God, and I know that He has a plan for your life, and that’s going to be much better than whatever I could come up with for you.  This is the only thing that comforts me right now.  Oh child, how am I going to leave you? I’ll never understand what it was I did that made you love me like you do. I didn’t notice it when it started, but I can definitely see it now that you love me like I’m your mom, and it hurts me so much that I have to leave you. You’ve always trusted me, and I’m about to break that trust. When I leave you for just a moment these days, to help out with one of the other kids, you come running to figure out just where I went to. When I have to use the bathroom it always makes you cry, like I’m never coming back out, as if there were a secret exit somewhere inside.
  I want you to know that I would never change the time I’ve spent with you. Every time I cleaned your nose, every dirty diaper I changed, when you’d fall asleep in my arms as I sang to you, every moment I spent walking around with you, your hand in mine, just going from one end to the other. I’ll always remember everything with so much joy. Oh child, pleases, don’t think poorly of me. You are my son, how can I leave you here? Without knowing when I’ll be back, without knowing if someday I’ll meat you again, not knowing if you’ll live with a family or in children’s homes. Without knowing who you’ll be in three, ten, or fifteen years. Oh, but I trust in the Lord! What else could I do? They’re better than the plans I have.  “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  Put your hope and trust in the Lord. Only in Him. Only. In. Him. Oh how I love you child, oh how I love you. But Jesus loves you even more. Much much more.
   May the Lord bless you my love! Know that someone in the world is thinking of and praying for you. You will always be my beloved son.
   With hugs and kisses and more love than you know,
Momma Samantha

Mommyhood 202- Potty Training

     There have been lots of handy little "Mommyhood" lessons I've been learning- bathing kids (can you believe I've never bathed a child before coming to Bolivia?), washing cloth diapers, how to make home made baby food, etc. These lessons have all been pretty easy, and would probably be a level 101 class, just the basics. However, we really stepped it up a notch with this potty training business!! We officially started last Wednesday, and now, six days into training, I'd say we're well underway! The first day was kind of a joke- boy did the kids hate sitting on the big potty! It was pretty scary for them. So, on day two, my coworker Gaby went and bought two little training seats for them to use. They still weren't very fond of having their pants pulled down and having to sit there, but by day three or four they were warming up to it a little bit. On day five I invested in some dulces, or candies, to give them as a little prize for going in their little potties instead of their pants. Well, day six, we've had success!! Limited success, but success just the same. How exciting!! Wow, it sure does make a parent proud to see their kid catch on to something so quick. Again, they've got a ways to go, but it's impressive to see how they've come from being terrified to sit down to just wanting to sit there all day. It's pretty entertaining. I'm definitely feeling a little more prepared each day for being a mom, if that's in my future. I know I will be incredibly thankful for the time I spent here this year learning all about being a parent! ...I'll have to keep you posted on how they're coming down the road : )

A 2am Journal Entry

   So, it's two in the morning right now, oh joy. Meh.....  Another one of those "light bulb" moments I love and hate so much.  Esperanza awoke with a start and a loud cry about a half an hour ago. Ugh, do NOT  want to get out of bed! But I did.  Made a bottle, turned out she needed to be changed (poor kid has diarrhea) so I took her, still crying, and started to changer her.  The frustration is amplified by the fact that she is ridiculously bundled up, because we didn't pass 50 degrees yesterday.  Anyway, she paused the crying for a moment or two but mostly kept at it.  While finishing up I thought, wow, if I were God there would probably be a lot of cursing going on in heaven, lol. Children! Do I not take good care of you?! (For the record I don't swear and don't like it, but at certain times I can see how people can let words slip..) Why is it you cry and fuss as though I'm not going to give you what I know you want and dneed. Haven't I showed you time and time again that I take good care of you? So i headed from the changing area and gave her a bottle, and as I rocked her she ate and cried, and ate and cried. Child! Why do you still cry! My goodness.  I just gave you what you both want and need! And then I got my little "light bulb".  If you're living for yourself, it's not worth it. If you're living for your job or for going out on Friday night, it's not worth it. If you're living for your family- parents, spouse, or children- it's just not worth it!! But,, if you're doing it for Jesus, it's all totally worth it!   As I sat there feeding the little monster, as I sometimes like to call her, I thought God, I can't take this! It's freezing cold and it's late and it doesn't matter what I do, she's not content. Even if it means I get a crown in heaven, I don't care, it's not worth it. And then, interupting my thoughts I hear that little voice I wish I heard more often say- But what if those crowns are to be laid at the feet of Jesus? Boom.  That one hit me good.  Oh how often we forget that it's all about Him! If we were put here to glorify ourselves and nothing more, a miserable existence it would be indeed!
  Well Esperanza had to be changed again, poor thing, and I put her to bed and she went back to sleep pretty quick.  A total of about a half an hour of my time doesn't seem like much, pero cuesta! Sometimes it's hard! But what a small sacrifice to be made for the one who gave it all.  He must become greater, I must become less.  Glory be to You, oh God! Glory be to You, oh Jesus! Glory be to you and you alone. Amen!