News....

Hello Everyone,
  I just wanted to send out a quick note letting you know a couple things-
1) For those of you who didn't know, the family that is adopting my little boy Lucas finally got custody about a week ago! Hooray! So he's no longer at the home, which has been a little sad for me, but not as hard as I would have expected. The family has contacted us a few times and he seems to be doing really well. They said he was very curious about his new home and just taking it all in. He follows his new mom around the house saying "mama, mama" which is a good sign I guess :)
2) WE SCHEDULED HEART SURGERY FOR ESPERANZA!!! I don't think I'll fully believe it till I see/hear that she is on the table being operated on, but we made an appointment for October 17th, and the doctor says she can't wait, so I'm pretty confindent in the fact that it will finally be happening. Finally! You can pray for us as we try and get things in order, find volunteers to help us cover as we'll have to have people at the hospital, etc. I'm so excited but also a little nervous. But she really needs this surgery, and I know that God is in control, and I can trust in Him.
  Thanks for your continued prayers!
God Bless,
Samantha

Mixed Emotions But Hanging In There

     I can think of few other days in which I have been given more reasons to be joyful than this one, but I also find myself a little sad at the same time.  Just around a month ago I was informed that one of the boys at the home I'm working at was going to be adopted. I was told it would probably happen in about a week or two from then, and then every week I heard the same thing, that it was taking a little longer than expected, maybe following week the papers would all be finished. Well, today all the papers finally were finished. The adoptive family went before the judge this morning and were awarded custody of Lucas. Let me tell you, first and foremost this is a HUGE answer to prayers. I am so incredibly thankful that the Lord has provided my little boy with a mommy and daddy that are going to be PERMANENT in his life, Christians, who are going to love him well and teach him about Jesus. I don't have to worry about him when I leave, that he's going to feel abandoned again, or that he'll continued to be moved from children's home to children's home until he's an adult or runs away. God has blessed him and therefore blessed me. However, all that being said, I can't begin to say how much I'm going to miss having this kid in my life! A short time after he got here he latched onto me as his mom, for whatever reason, I really honestly don't know. But, for some reason, I'm the one he'd come to when he got a bump on the head and needed a kiss. He prefered to sit in my lap as opposed to my coworkers. He wanted to hold my hand when we walked to the park. As far as he knew, I was his mama. And while sometimes he was a little overboard- like when he'd scream and cry thinking I was leaving him when I entered the bathroom for two minutes- I don't think I could have enjoyed our relationship more. I have so many fond and funny memories with my little boy- tickle sessions, being painted on with chalk, singing him to sleep at night, eating ice cream when we got to go just the two of us to the grocery store, getting thrown up on when I tried to take him to cine center haha!, teaching him to blow kisses, dressing/doing his hair up for church, celebrating his birthday- the list could go on and on and on. I guess that's why in some ways I couldn't help but feel like they were taking my baby away from me.  It's hard to be someone's mom for nearly eight months and then just have him climb in someone else's car and watch them drive off! However, I'd say I've been holding up much better than expected (by everyone actually, lol). I'm not really one for waterworks, especially in public, so I think my coworkers and boss were a little surprised when three of them got choked up and I didn't. "You seem really chill" one of them told me after he had left. I don't know if it's cuz I cried some ahead of time, or if I just knew far enough ahead of time that it was gonna happen that I prepared myself, or maybe (most likely) God's just giving me an extra helping of grace today. But, overall I'd say I'm hangin in there. I'm remembering lots of fun moments and also wondering how he's doing. Did he fall asleep alright tonight? Does he miss his little companions here? Did he cry? I wish I could see everything in movie format. Ok, that's kinda creepy, but I'm curious, I'm not gonna lie. Anyway, all that to say this- thank you Jesus. You are way more incredible than I could ever imagine. And please give me strength during this next week or so as I adjust to the current strangeness. I miss my little boy! And it'll probably be harder when it hits me a little more that he's really gone. It's still just a little surreal to be honest. Your prayers are appreciated! And for the record I hope to go visit him in a month or something, after he's had some time to adjust. And then maybe once more before I leave. So it's not like I'll never see him again, it's just hard for me to think of him calling someone else "mama". Again, I'm super super thankful for this, but I still definitely have sad selfish feelings too : )  I know this is such a good thing, but it's still hard. But God is gracious and merciful and loving and in control. And I am so incredibly thankful that He did this for my little boy, for His glory, no doubt.

what's goin on in my life these days

     I can hardly believe another month has nearly come and gone. I've been away from home now for over eight months! That is so crazy to me. And only about two and a half months left- just as crazy to me. My time has been going by pretty quickly, but it's been so good.
     A little over a week ago we got the go ahead from the doctor to have Esperanza's surgery, which was very exciting! But now we have to find out where we can have it done- the doctor told us this a day after the team from the States left : (  So, we'll have to find out where and when and how much it will cost and see if we can find some people who would be interesting in giving towards the surgery, which should cost somewhere from 3-10 thousand dollars (if you would feel led to give towards her surgery you could let me or my mom know and I/she can give you more information on where money should go).
     The adoption process for my little boy Lucas is going pretty well, although taking a little longer than first expected. Last week some social workers came to visit the home and the family's home that he'll be moving into, and then today a psycologist came, and the family that's adopting him believes that he will probably be leaving sometime within the week. But, if there's anything I've learned in Bolivia it's that nothing's final till it's absolutely final, so we'll see. In some ways I'm so sad to see him leaving but his adoptive parents have been coming to visit every day so it won't be so shocking to him when he goes, and it's been exciting to see how much he's growing to love them, and it's been nice to get to know them a little better as well. I'm so thankful that he will have a permanent home and a family of his own!!
     Other exciting news- there's a new little one at the home!! This past Wednesday Miguel, an adorable one month old, arrived! He is so incredibly precious, I can't even put it into words. He has HIV, but appears to be pretty healthy. I don't have a lot of experience with kids this small, but he eats every two hours and sleeps most of the time in between, which I feel is probably pretty typical. It's been fun having him, but I'll admit it does add to the chaos! There are now five kids! And four workers, usually three of us scheduled but sometimes only two. It's a little crazy. But thankfully God has been faithful in providing volunteers as we need them.
     More than that things are going well. Everybody seems to be pretty healthy at the moment and the home is running well overall. Some days I'm full of energy and others I'm absolutely exhausted, but I've been spending a lot of time with my friends Heather, Amy, and Suzanne on my days off, visiting other homes or just sleeping at there house, and it's been really refreshing for me. They live a short walk from my place so it's been nice to have a sanctuary from the crying screaming children when I need it! And while I'm still enjoying my time I'm also getting excited about going home and getting back to school. I think I mentioned it in an update months back, but I'm planning to go to school in January to study nursing in hopes of returning to the missions field someday, if that's what God calls me to. I would really like to study at Augustana College in Sioux Falls SD but have also been accepted at UW-Eau Claire, so it will mostly come down to scholarships I'll be offered.
     Anyway, that's a little about the excitement going on in my life at the moment. Thanks for your prayers! Please pray for us as we continue adjusting to all the changes and the upcoming changes as well. It's a very comforting thought to know I have so many people back home holding me up in prayer! Also, I'd love to hear from you all, how you're doing or if there are way I can be praying for you as well! I miss you all and look forward to seeing you in a few short months.

Don't Do Nothing

     I'd just like to preface this by saying that it's not intended to anyone in specific. I just read things- books, facebook posts, what have you, and people are always pointing out what's wrong with the world, and sometimes I just get fired up because people wanna talk about problems but never offer to be part of the solution. So this post is to Christians as a whole, no one specific person. Maybe your doing doing great and accomplishing great things for the Glory of the Lord. Maybe you're going through a rough time and your struggling, wrestling. I don't know. Again, not trying to point fingers, I'm just saying. Anyways...
     What the world needs is more Jesus. As Christians I think we’re aware of this. So why are we not giving the world more of Him? I hear so many people complain about the lack of bold preachers, ask why we have no more Jonathan Edwards or Charles Spurgeons. Well, go preach!! Or, since we're not all called to be preachers, when’s the last time you prayed for your pastor to be filled with boldness?? People think it’s so sad that there are people living in the streets, that there are people dying of hunger- when’s the last time you’ve given someone hurting food to help them out? Maybe they’re not living in front of your house- I bet you could find someone in need if you really wanted to help.  We hear of children living as orphans because they’ve been abused and abandoned or have lost their parents. It’s heartbreaking. When’s the last time you’ve given of your time to love them?  Or prayed for parents for them? Or children that are victims of divorce- have you reached out to them lately? Don’t be a part of the complaining crowd. Be a part of the solution. We could spend forever talking about the needs in this world but if we make no effort to help fix the problem, aren’t we just adding to it? It’s easy to see what’s wrong. But you’re not helping anyone by simply pointing it out. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to point fingers at anyone, or make people feel guilty, not trying to get applause for what I’m doing, cuz really, there’s so much more I could do, more we all could do. I just implore you, please, instead of pointing out flaws with what others are doing, join them! Help them! Learn from them things that work and things that don’t and model your own outreach off of that. But don’t just do nothing. Don’t just talk about the needs of this world. Please don’t choose to do nothing.

Exciting Times

   It's an exciting time at the home right now.  About a week ago we found out that one of our boys is going to be adopted!! I'm a little bit sad because he's the one I most easily connect with and in many ways I feel like he's my son, but knowing that I'd be leaving him in a few months I couldn't be more thankful to God that he'll be going to a permanaent home.  Also last week we got another little girl at the home! She's two and a half and she's absolutely beautiful. Her name is Abigail. She doesn't have any major health issues like the other children of the home, but she comes from an abusive family, and the government agency had nowhere else to put her so we happily took her in. It took a little adjusting, for her and us, but I'd say it's going well. Then, during this coming week, we will probably also be taking in a two-month-old girl. She also has no major health problems that we're aware of, but it will still be interesting to adjust to having one so small around! But I'm really excited. Other great news- Esperanza finally got the ok to have her surgery!! There's no date scheduled yet, and I guess she has to have one more analysis done before it can happen, but we're hoping than that this coming month she'll be able to get an appointment, as I believe a team is coming down from the States that will perform the surgery for free. Thanks so much all who have been praying! Please continue lifting her up in prayer as it gets closer.
   Umm, I guess that's about all for what's going on right now. I think :) Thanks again to all who are prayerfully and financially helping me be here! I am reminded often of the fact that I couldn't be here without all those back at home supporting me. God Bless!

Como Puedo Dejarte?

Mi Querido Hijo,                                                        16/08/2011
   Oh como te amo! Yo no sabia que seria asi. Como te puedo dejar? Nunca hubiera creida que te amaria asi. Pienso de salir en deciembre y empiezo a llorar. Como te puedo dejar? Me acuerdo de este momento, el primer dia que llegaste. Yo estaba en mi cuarto dejcansando y quando me baje estabaj aqui voj. No me di cuenta en ejte momento que llegaria un dia en que lloraria por ti asi. Ya quedan solo quatro meses hasta que me voy y la unica cosa que ejtoy pensando ej que seria mejor salir mas temprano, porque si quedo por maj tiempo solo significa que te voy a causar mas dolor cuando me voy. Como te puedo dejar? Y que vas a pensar tu? Que yo solo era una persona mas en tu vida que te dejo?  Oh Dios, por favor no permitas que sea asi! Oh hijo, por favor, no penses mal de mi, oh mi querido hijo. Como te puedo dejar? Ejtoy imaginandote en tu cuna, en tu silla, al porton, esperando mi llegada como cualquier otro dia, y ejte dia no voy a llegar. Que vas a pensar? Oh como ejtoy orando por ti! Que Dios te de una familia que te ame, que tu puedas crecer en una familia con una mama, un papa, tal vez hermanos y hermanas, y que nunca tendres que pensar/preguntar que si o no estas amado. Que siempre sepas que Dios es tu padre. Mas que todo hijo me oracion es que conozcas al Senor Jesuscristo. Mas que TODO! Si creces en una casa con una familia que te ama- sepa que Dios te ama, y tu familia te vas a fallar.  Si crezcas en hogar mas hogar, y parece que no pueda confiar en nadie, confie en Dios, por que El es contigo siempre. NUNCA TE VA A DEJAR. El mundo es lleno de pecado, y es un triste lugar para vivir. Acuerdate que eso NO ES tu casa- tu casa es en los cielos con Cristo, tu Salvador y Rey. Oh hijo, como ejtoy pidiendo a Dios por ti! Que el venga con Su Espiritu y te de paz. Que siempre pueda sentir Su amor. Mas que todo hijo, tienej que saber que Dios te ama, que Jesuscristo murio en la cruz por TUS pecados, y por fe en El tu puedes estar salvado. Nunca vas a tener mas gozo que cuando estas caminando con El. Nunca.
    Me duele pensar de que despues de que me voy ej posible que jamas sepa lo que esta pasando en tu vida. Pero confio en Dios, y yo se que EL tiene un plan para tu vida, y eso ej mucho mejor que cualquier cosa podria hacer yo para ti. Eso ej la unica que me da paz en ejte momento. Oh hijo, como te puedo dejar? Nunca entendere que hice yo para que me amas asi. No me di cuenta durante que ejtaba pasando, pero ahora puedo ver bien que me amas como mama, y oh como me duele que te tengo que dejar. Siempre has puesto completamente tu confianza en mi, y yo voy a romper este confianza que has tenido. Cuando te dejo por un momento no mas, para ayudar con otro nino, rapidito vienej voj para buscarme. Cuando tengo que usar el bano empiezas a llorar, como nunca voy a regresar, como si fuera otra salida secreta adentro.
    Quiero que sepas que nunca cambiaria al tiempo que he pasado contigo. Cada vez que limpie a tu nariz, cada panal sucio que cambie, cuando te dormiste en mis brazos durante que te ejtaba cantando, cada momento que caminaba contigo jugando afuera, tu mano en la mia, caminando solo para ir a un lado y regresar. Voy a acordar a todo con ARTO gozo por siempre. Oh Fercho, por favor, no penses mal de mi, oh mi hijo. Oh mi hijo. Eres me hijo, como puedo dejarte aqui? Sin saber cuando vuelva, si algun dia te conocere otra vez, si vas a vivir con una familia o solo en hogares. Sin saber quien vas a ser en tres, diez, quince anos. Oh, pero confio en El Senor y los planes que tiene! Que mas puedo hacer? Son mejores que los que tengo yo. "Porque yo se muy bien los planes que tengo para uds- afirma el Senor-, planes de bienestar y no de calamidad, a fin de darles un futuro y una esperanza."-Jeremias 29:11.  En Cristo tienej que poner tu esperanza y confianza. Solo en El. Solo. En. El. Oh como te amo hijo, oh como te amo. Pero Jesus te ama mas. Mucho mucho mas.
   Que Dios te bendiga mi amor! Sepas que alguien en el mundo esta pensando de ti y orando por ti. Siempre seraj mi querido hijo.
   Con abrazos y besos y mas amor que sabes,
Mama Samantha

Above is a letter I wanna leave for one of my boys. For you non-Spanish speakers I translated it to English below. Seriously don't know how I'm going to leave this child here... Prayers are appreciated as my departure is not all that far off! My sincerest hope and prayer that the two of them would be adopted before I leave so that they're not being abadnoned by someone again. Especially the one who really looks to me as his mom. It absolutely breaks my heart to think about it.

My Beloved Son,                                                        08/16/2011
   Oh how I love you!! I didn’t know it would be like this. How am I going to be able to leave you? I never would have thought that I would love you like this. I think about leaving in December and I start to cry. How am I going to be able to leave you? I remember when you first got here. I was in my room resting and came down and you were here. I didn’t realize then that this moment would come one day when I’d cry for you like this. There are only four months left till I leave and the only thing I can think is that it would be better if I were leaving sooner, because the longer I stay the more it means it’s going to hurt you when I leave. How can I leave you? And what are you going to think? That I was just another person in your life that left you? Oh God, please don’t let be! Oh son, please don’t think poorly of me, oh my beloved child. How can I leave you? I just picture you in your crib, your chair, at the gate, waiting for me to arrive like any other day, and I’m not going to come. What are you going to think?  Oh how I’m praying for you! That God would give you a family that loves you, that you would grow up in a family with a mom and dad and maybe brothers and sisters, and that you would never question whether or not you’re loved.  That you would always know that God is your Father. More than anything else I’m praying that you would know the Lord Jesus Christ. More than ANYTHING. If you grow up in a home with a family that loves you- know that God loves you, and your family is going to fail you. If you grow up living in children’s home after children’s home, and it seems like you can’t trust in anyone, trust in God, because He is with you always. HE WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU. The world is full of sin, and it’s a sad place to live. Remember that this is NOT your home- your home is in heaven with Christ, your Savior and King. Oh child, how I’m praying for you! That God would come with His Spirit over you and give you peace. That you would always feel His love. More than anything, you have to know that God loves you, that Jesus died on the cross for YOUR sins, and that by faith in Him you can be saved. You will never have greater joy than when you walk with Him. Never.
  It hurts me to think that it’s possible after I leave that I’ll never know what’s going on in your life. But I trust in God, and I know that He has a plan for your life, and that’s going to be much better than whatever I could come up with for you.  This is the only thing that comforts me right now.  Oh child, how am I going to leave you? I’ll never understand what it was I did that made you love me like you do. I didn’t notice it when it started, but I can definitely see it now that you love me like I’m your mom, and it hurts me so much that I have to leave you. You’ve always trusted me, and I’m about to break that trust. When I leave you for just a moment these days, to help out with one of the other kids, you come running to figure out just where I went to. When I have to use the bathroom it always makes you cry, like I’m never coming back out, as if there were a secret exit somewhere inside.
  I want you to know that I would never change the time I’ve spent with you. Every time I cleaned your nose, every dirty diaper I changed, when you’d fall asleep in my arms as I sang to you, every moment I spent walking around with you, your hand in mine, just going from one end to the other. I’ll always remember everything with so much joy. Oh child, pleases, don’t think poorly of me. You are my son, how can I leave you here? Without knowing when I’ll be back, without knowing if someday I’ll meat you again, not knowing if you’ll live with a family or in children’s homes. Without knowing who you’ll be in three, ten, or fifteen years. Oh, but I trust in the Lord! What else could I do? They’re better than the plans I have.  “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  Put your hope and trust in the Lord. Only in Him. Only. In. Him. Oh how I love you child, oh how I love you. But Jesus loves you even more. Much much more.
   May the Lord bless you my love! Know that someone in the world is thinking of and praying for you. You will always be my beloved son.
   With hugs and kisses and more love than you know,
Momma Samantha

Mommyhood 202- Potty Training

     There have been lots of handy little "Mommyhood" lessons I've been learning- bathing kids (can you believe I've never bathed a child before coming to Bolivia?), washing cloth diapers, how to make home made baby food, etc. These lessons have all been pretty easy, and would probably be a level 101 class, just the basics. However, we really stepped it up a notch with this potty training business!! We officially started last Wednesday, and now, six days into training, I'd say we're well underway! The first day was kind of a joke- boy did the kids hate sitting on the big potty! It was pretty scary for them. So, on day two, my coworker Gaby went and bought two little training seats for them to use. They still weren't very fond of having their pants pulled down and having to sit there, but by day three or four they were warming up to it a little bit. On day five I invested in some dulces, or candies, to give them as a little prize for going in their little potties instead of their pants. Well, day six, we've had success!! Limited success, but success just the same. How exciting!! Wow, it sure does make a parent proud to see their kid catch on to something so quick. Again, they've got a ways to go, but it's impressive to see how they've come from being terrified to sit down to just wanting to sit there all day. It's pretty entertaining. I'm definitely feeling a little more prepared each day for being a mom, if that's in my future. I know I will be incredibly thankful for the time I spent here this year learning all about being a parent! ...I'll have to keep you posted on how they're coming down the road : )