Don't Do Nothing

     I'd just like to preface this by saying that it's not intended to anyone in specific. I just read things- books, facebook posts, what have you, and people are always pointing out what's wrong with the world, and sometimes I just get fired up because people wanna talk about problems but never offer to be part of the solution. So this post is to Christians as a whole, no one specific person. Maybe your doing doing great and accomplishing great things for the Glory of the Lord. Maybe you're going through a rough time and your struggling, wrestling. I don't know. Again, not trying to point fingers, I'm just saying. Anyways...
     What the world needs is more Jesus. As Christians I think we’re aware of this. So why are we not giving the world more of Him? I hear so many people complain about the lack of bold preachers, ask why we have no more Jonathan Edwards or Charles Spurgeons. Well, go preach!! Or, since we're not all called to be preachers, when’s the last time you prayed for your pastor to be filled with boldness?? People think it’s so sad that there are people living in the streets, that there are people dying of hunger- when’s the last time you’ve given someone hurting food to help them out? Maybe they’re not living in front of your house- I bet you could find someone in need if you really wanted to help.  We hear of children living as orphans because they’ve been abused and abandoned or have lost their parents. It’s heartbreaking. When’s the last time you’ve given of your time to love them?  Or prayed for parents for them? Or children that are victims of divorce- have you reached out to them lately? Don’t be a part of the complaining crowd. Be a part of the solution. We could spend forever talking about the needs in this world but if we make no effort to help fix the problem, aren’t we just adding to it? It’s easy to see what’s wrong. But you’re not helping anyone by simply pointing it out. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to point fingers at anyone, or make people feel guilty, not trying to get applause for what I’m doing, cuz really, there’s so much more I could do, more we all could do. I just implore you, please, instead of pointing out flaws with what others are doing, join them! Help them! Learn from them things that work and things that don’t and model your own outreach off of that. But don’t just do nothing. Don’t just talk about the needs of this world. Please don’t choose to do nothing.

Exciting Times

   It's an exciting time at the home right now.  About a week ago we found out that one of our boys is going to be adopted!! I'm a little bit sad because he's the one I most easily connect with and in many ways I feel like he's my son, but knowing that I'd be leaving him in a few months I couldn't be more thankful to God that he'll be going to a permanaent home.  Also last week we got another little girl at the home! She's two and a half and she's absolutely beautiful. Her name is Abigail. She doesn't have any major health issues like the other children of the home, but she comes from an abusive family, and the government agency had nowhere else to put her so we happily took her in. It took a little adjusting, for her and us, but I'd say it's going well. Then, during this coming week, we will probably also be taking in a two-month-old girl. She also has no major health problems that we're aware of, but it will still be interesting to adjust to having one so small around! But I'm really excited. Other great news- Esperanza finally got the ok to have her surgery!! There's no date scheduled yet, and I guess she has to have one more analysis done before it can happen, but we're hoping than that this coming month she'll be able to get an appointment, as I believe a team is coming down from the States that will perform the surgery for free. Thanks so much all who have been praying! Please continue lifting her up in prayer as it gets closer.
   Umm, I guess that's about all for what's going on right now. I think :) Thanks again to all who are prayerfully and financially helping me be here! I am reminded often of the fact that I couldn't be here without all those back at home supporting me. God Bless!

Como Puedo Dejarte?

Mi Querido Hijo,                                                        16/08/2011
   Oh como te amo! Yo no sabia que seria asi. Como te puedo dejar? Nunca hubiera creida que te amaria asi. Pienso de salir en deciembre y empiezo a llorar. Como te puedo dejar? Me acuerdo de este momento, el primer dia que llegaste. Yo estaba en mi cuarto dejcansando y quando me baje estabaj aqui voj. No me di cuenta en ejte momento que llegaria un dia en que lloraria por ti asi. Ya quedan solo quatro meses hasta que me voy y la unica cosa que ejtoy pensando ej que seria mejor salir mas temprano, porque si quedo por maj tiempo solo significa que te voy a causar mas dolor cuando me voy. Como te puedo dejar? Y que vas a pensar tu? Que yo solo era una persona mas en tu vida que te dejo?  Oh Dios, por favor no permitas que sea asi! Oh hijo, por favor, no penses mal de mi, oh mi querido hijo. Como te puedo dejar? Ejtoy imaginandote en tu cuna, en tu silla, al porton, esperando mi llegada como cualquier otro dia, y ejte dia no voy a llegar. Que vas a pensar? Oh como ejtoy orando por ti! Que Dios te de una familia que te ame, que tu puedas crecer en una familia con una mama, un papa, tal vez hermanos y hermanas, y que nunca tendres que pensar/preguntar que si o no estas amado. Que siempre sepas que Dios es tu padre. Mas que todo hijo me oracion es que conozcas al Senor Jesuscristo. Mas que TODO! Si creces en una casa con una familia que te ama- sepa que Dios te ama, y tu familia te vas a fallar.  Si crezcas en hogar mas hogar, y parece que no pueda confiar en nadie, confie en Dios, por que El es contigo siempre. NUNCA TE VA A DEJAR. El mundo es lleno de pecado, y es un triste lugar para vivir. Acuerdate que eso NO ES tu casa- tu casa es en los cielos con Cristo, tu Salvador y Rey. Oh hijo, como ejtoy pidiendo a Dios por ti! Que el venga con Su Espiritu y te de paz. Que siempre pueda sentir Su amor. Mas que todo hijo, tienej que saber que Dios te ama, que Jesuscristo murio en la cruz por TUS pecados, y por fe en El tu puedes estar salvado. Nunca vas a tener mas gozo que cuando estas caminando con El. Nunca.
    Me duele pensar de que despues de que me voy ej posible que jamas sepa lo que esta pasando en tu vida. Pero confio en Dios, y yo se que EL tiene un plan para tu vida, y eso ej mucho mejor que cualquier cosa podria hacer yo para ti. Eso ej la unica que me da paz en ejte momento. Oh hijo, como te puedo dejar? Nunca entendere que hice yo para que me amas asi. No me di cuenta durante que ejtaba pasando, pero ahora puedo ver bien que me amas como mama, y oh como me duele que te tengo que dejar. Siempre has puesto completamente tu confianza en mi, y yo voy a romper este confianza que has tenido. Cuando te dejo por un momento no mas, para ayudar con otro nino, rapidito vienej voj para buscarme. Cuando tengo que usar el bano empiezas a llorar, como nunca voy a regresar, como si fuera otra salida secreta adentro.
    Quiero que sepas que nunca cambiaria al tiempo que he pasado contigo. Cada vez que limpie a tu nariz, cada panal sucio que cambie, cuando te dormiste en mis brazos durante que te ejtaba cantando, cada momento que caminaba contigo jugando afuera, tu mano en la mia, caminando solo para ir a un lado y regresar. Voy a acordar a todo con ARTO gozo por siempre. Oh Fercho, por favor, no penses mal de mi, oh mi hijo. Oh mi hijo. Eres me hijo, como puedo dejarte aqui? Sin saber cuando vuelva, si algun dia te conocere otra vez, si vas a vivir con una familia o solo en hogares. Sin saber quien vas a ser en tres, diez, quince anos. Oh, pero confio en El Senor y los planes que tiene! Que mas puedo hacer? Son mejores que los que tengo yo. "Porque yo se muy bien los planes que tengo para uds- afirma el Senor-, planes de bienestar y no de calamidad, a fin de darles un futuro y una esperanza."-Jeremias 29:11.  En Cristo tienej que poner tu esperanza y confianza. Solo en El. Solo. En. El. Oh como te amo hijo, oh como te amo. Pero Jesus te ama mas. Mucho mucho mas.
   Que Dios te bendiga mi amor! Sepas que alguien en el mundo esta pensando de ti y orando por ti. Siempre seraj mi querido hijo.
   Con abrazos y besos y mas amor que sabes,
Mama Samantha

Above is a letter I wanna leave for one of my boys. For you non-Spanish speakers I translated it to English below. Seriously don't know how I'm going to leave this child here... Prayers are appreciated as my departure is not all that far off! My sincerest hope and prayer that the two of them would be adopted before I leave so that they're not being abadnoned by someone again. Especially the one who really looks to me as his mom. It absolutely breaks my heart to think about it.

My Beloved Son,                                                        08/16/2011
   Oh how I love you!! I didn’t know it would be like this. How am I going to be able to leave you? I never would have thought that I would love you like this. I think about leaving in December and I start to cry. How am I going to be able to leave you? I remember when you first got here. I was in my room resting and came down and you were here. I didn’t realize then that this moment would come one day when I’d cry for you like this. There are only four months left till I leave and the only thing I can think is that it would be better if I were leaving sooner, because the longer I stay the more it means it’s going to hurt you when I leave. How can I leave you? And what are you going to think? That I was just another person in your life that left you? Oh God, please don’t let be! Oh son, please don’t think poorly of me, oh my beloved child. How can I leave you? I just picture you in your crib, your chair, at the gate, waiting for me to arrive like any other day, and I’m not going to come. What are you going to think?  Oh how I’m praying for you! That God would give you a family that loves you, that you would grow up in a family with a mom and dad and maybe brothers and sisters, and that you would never question whether or not you’re loved.  That you would always know that God is your Father. More than anything else I’m praying that you would know the Lord Jesus Christ. More than ANYTHING. If you grow up in a home with a family that loves you- know that God loves you, and your family is going to fail you. If you grow up living in children’s home after children’s home, and it seems like you can’t trust in anyone, trust in God, because He is with you always. HE WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU. The world is full of sin, and it’s a sad place to live. Remember that this is NOT your home- your home is in heaven with Christ, your Savior and King. Oh child, how I’m praying for you! That God would come with His Spirit over you and give you peace. That you would always feel His love. More than anything, you have to know that God loves you, that Jesus died on the cross for YOUR sins, and that by faith in Him you can be saved. You will never have greater joy than when you walk with Him. Never.
  It hurts me to think that it’s possible after I leave that I’ll never know what’s going on in your life. But I trust in God, and I know that He has a plan for your life, and that’s going to be much better than whatever I could come up with for you.  This is the only thing that comforts me right now.  Oh child, how am I going to leave you? I’ll never understand what it was I did that made you love me like you do. I didn’t notice it when it started, but I can definitely see it now that you love me like I’m your mom, and it hurts me so much that I have to leave you. You’ve always trusted me, and I’m about to break that trust. When I leave you for just a moment these days, to help out with one of the other kids, you come running to figure out just where I went to. When I have to use the bathroom it always makes you cry, like I’m never coming back out, as if there were a secret exit somewhere inside.
  I want you to know that I would never change the time I’ve spent with you. Every time I cleaned your nose, every dirty diaper I changed, when you’d fall asleep in my arms as I sang to you, every moment I spent walking around with you, your hand in mine, just going from one end to the other. I’ll always remember everything with so much joy. Oh child, pleases, don’t think poorly of me. You are my son, how can I leave you here? Without knowing when I’ll be back, without knowing if someday I’ll meat you again, not knowing if you’ll live with a family or in children’s homes. Without knowing who you’ll be in three, ten, or fifteen years. Oh, but I trust in the Lord! What else could I do? They’re better than the plans I have.  “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  Put your hope and trust in the Lord. Only in Him. Only. In. Him. Oh how I love you child, oh how I love you. But Jesus loves you even more. Much much more.
   May the Lord bless you my love! Know that someone in the world is thinking of and praying for you. You will always be my beloved son.
   With hugs and kisses and more love than you know,
Momma Samantha

Mommyhood 202- Potty Training

     There have been lots of handy little "Mommyhood" lessons I've been learning- bathing kids (can you believe I've never bathed a child before coming to Bolivia?), washing cloth diapers, how to make home made baby food, etc. These lessons have all been pretty easy, and would probably be a level 101 class, just the basics. However, we really stepped it up a notch with this potty training business!! We officially started last Wednesday, and now, six days into training, I'd say we're well underway! The first day was kind of a joke- boy did the kids hate sitting on the big potty! It was pretty scary for them. So, on day two, my coworker Gaby went and bought two little training seats for them to use. They still weren't very fond of having their pants pulled down and having to sit there, but by day three or four they were warming up to it a little bit. On day five I invested in some dulces, or candies, to give them as a little prize for going in their little potties instead of their pants. Well, day six, we've had success!! Limited success, but success just the same. How exciting!! Wow, it sure does make a parent proud to see their kid catch on to something so quick. Again, they've got a ways to go, but it's impressive to see how they've come from being terrified to sit down to just wanting to sit there all day. It's pretty entertaining. I'm definitely feeling a little more prepared each day for being a mom, if that's in my future. I know I will be incredibly thankful for the time I spent here this year learning all about being a parent! ...I'll have to keep you posted on how they're coming down the road : )

A 2am Journal Entry

   So, it's two in the morning right now, oh joy. Meh.....  Another one of those "light bulb" moments I love and hate so much.  Esperanza awoke with a start and a loud cry about a half an hour ago. Ugh, do NOT  want to get out of bed! But I did.  Made a bottle, turned out she needed to be changed (poor kid has diarrhea) so I took her, still crying, and started to changer her.  The frustration is amplified by the fact that she is ridiculously bundled up, because we didn't pass 50 degrees yesterday.  Anyway, she paused the crying for a moment or two but mostly kept at it.  While finishing up I thought, wow, if I were God there would probably be a lot of cursing going on in heaven, lol. Children! Do I not take good care of you?! (For the record I don't swear and don't like it, but at certain times I can see how people can let words slip..) Why is it you cry and fuss as though I'm not going to give you what I know you want and dneed. Haven't I showed you time and time again that I take good care of you? So i headed from the changing area and gave her a bottle, and as I rocked her she ate and cried, and ate and cried. Child! Why do you still cry! My goodness.  I just gave you what you both want and need! And then I got my little "light bulb".  If you're living for yourself, it's not worth it. If you're living for your job or for going out on Friday night, it's not worth it. If you're living for your family- parents, spouse, or children- it's just not worth it!! But,, if you're doing it for Jesus, it's all totally worth it!   As I sat there feeding the little monster, as I sometimes like to call her, I thought God, I can't take this! It's freezing cold and it's late and it doesn't matter what I do, she's not content. Even if it means I get a crown in heaven, I don't care, it's not worth it. And then, interupting my thoughts I hear that little voice I wish I heard more often say- But what if those crowns are to be laid at the feet of Jesus? Boom.  That one hit me good.  Oh how often we forget that it's all about Him! If we were put here to glorify ourselves and nothing more, a miserable existence it would be indeed!
  Well Esperanza had to be changed again, poor thing, and I put her to bed and she went back to sleep pretty quick.  A total of about a half an hour of my time doesn't seem like much, pero cuesta! Sometimes it's hard! But what a small sacrifice to be made for the one who gave it all.  He must become greater, I must become less.  Glory be to You, oh God! Glory be to You, oh Jesus! Glory be to you and you alone. Amen!

Hello August!

Hey Friends!

   Wow, is it really August already?! Of all my months here I think July went by the fastest. I can only imagine that this is due to having had the team here and time with a few other friends that stayed a short while longer. I can't tell you how much my heart was refreshed during this time spent with so many people I love dearly. What a blessing.
   Things in the home are going well as well. Kids are all pretty healthy, praise God! The boys have been taking some meds for colds that they have, and Esperanza's currently on medicine to help with diarrhea, but overall nothing to seriously.
   As some of you may remember, back in May we sent in blood work for Esperanza to identify what chromosome abnormality she has, mostly just to know, but also to find out if there would be major risks if/when we would be able to get her surgery, and finally, FINALLY! we have received the results! According to the analysis she has a rare disorder called Monosomy 21, which means she was born with only one of the two 21st chromosomes we are each supposed to have. I've been doing some research to try and find out exactly what that means for her then, but haven't found a lot of info. There are very few other cases where this has been diagnosed, but from what I can gather children that are born with this can expect to live a normal length of life, and it's probable that she will develop both physically and mentally somewhat slower than is typical, but what that really means I don't know. But I think it was a comforting diagnosis in a way, knowing that it could have been something much worse. Also, I don't know what this means for her as far as surgery goes, but I would say it's optimistic. The Hoffmans have been gone for these last two months but are expected to be home this week, so in another week or two I feel like I'll know more about whether we're on track to get the heart surgery for her in September or not. I'm praying that yes! But we will see.
   Thanks for your prayers as always! I miss you all and am excited that I'm coming into the last third of my time here! It's exciting to see that the end is within reach, but I'm also excited to see how God continues to be faithful these next four months and how my kids continue to grow! 

Blessings!
   Samantha