A 2am Journal Entry

   So, it's two in the morning right now, oh joy. Meh.....  Another one of those "light bulb" moments I love and hate so much.  Esperanza awoke with a start and a loud cry about a half an hour ago. Ugh, do NOT  want to get out of bed! But I did.  Made a bottle, turned out she needed to be changed (poor kid has diarrhea) so I took her, still crying, and started to changer her.  The frustration is amplified by the fact that she is ridiculously bundled up, because we didn't pass 50 degrees yesterday.  Anyway, she paused the crying for a moment or two but mostly kept at it.  While finishing up I thought, wow, if I were God there would probably be a lot of cursing going on in heaven, lol. Children! Do I not take good care of you?! (For the record I don't swear and don't like it, but at certain times I can see how people can let words slip..) Why is it you cry and fuss as though I'm not going to give you what I know you want and dneed. Haven't I showed you time and time again that I take good care of you? So i headed from the changing area and gave her a bottle, and as I rocked her she ate and cried, and ate and cried. Child! Why do you still cry! My goodness.  I just gave you what you both want and need! And then I got my little "light bulb".  If you're living for yourself, it's not worth it. If you're living for your job or for going out on Friday night, it's not worth it. If you're living for your family- parents, spouse, or children- it's just not worth it!! But,, if you're doing it for Jesus, it's all totally worth it!   As I sat there feeding the little monster, as I sometimes like to call her, I thought God, I can't take this! It's freezing cold and it's late and it doesn't matter what I do, she's not content. Even if it means I get a crown in heaven, I don't care, it's not worth it. And then, interupting my thoughts I hear that little voice I wish I heard more often say- But what if those crowns are to be laid at the feet of Jesus? Boom.  That one hit me good.  Oh how often we forget that it's all about Him! If we were put here to glorify ourselves and nothing more, a miserable existence it would be indeed!
  Well Esperanza had to be changed again, poor thing, and I put her to bed and she went back to sleep pretty quick.  A total of about a half an hour of my time doesn't seem like much, pero cuesta! Sometimes it's hard! But what a small sacrifice to be made for the one who gave it all.  He must become greater, I must become less.  Glory be to You, oh God! Glory be to You, oh Jesus! Glory be to you and you alone. Amen!