Three Weeks of Being Home

   I'm in a bit of a weird spot. I've been home for three weeks now, and I feel like I'm just on vacation. I've gotten a few emails from the director of the home with updates on the kids and have talked with my dear friend Laura and heard how all is going down there. Boy do I miss them. The home has a new baby now- Andy. He was found left laying behind the wheel of car. He was two days old. After calling aroudn to a number of the homes to find a place for him they called Judah Quy, and they decided to take him in. I saw pictures, he's so precious! In my mind I thought wow, I can't wait to meet him! But then realized I probably won't. Wow. I never spent more than 10 or 11 days away from the home- it's so weird!! Otherwise the kids are doing pretty well. The other little baby, Miguel, appears to have anemia, so they're working on getting him some vitamins to help with that, otherwise his virus numbers are continuing to go down which is leading us to believe that perhaps he really doesn't have HIV. Praise God! Esperanza is doing better and better. She has amoebas and diarrhea at the moment but is finally putting on some weight! She's up around 5 kilos, or 11lbs,  which seems like something we've been working at for forever!! So that's very encouraging. I haven't gotten much news on the others, so I would guess they're all doing well : )  I got to see some pictures from a Christmas part they had with the Hoffmans (the director's family) and they all looked like they were doing really well. I miss my babies!!
   Things here are going pretty well. Adjusting hasn't been quite as painful as I expected, but it still has it's moments. Like when I'm looking at pictures of my kids and break down crying. Or the other day when I was setting up a little bit of a budget. Goodness gracious. Life is blasted expensive here! Wow. When I was in Bolivia I was not paying monthly car insurance, I had to buy credit for my phone which cost me maybe 7 dollars a month (compared to 35-ish here) I didn't have a car to put gas in, I just took a bus or a cab wherever I needed to go (or walked), I had free rent, and food was ridiculously cheap in comparison. So that's been a little rough. And I miss my friends. It's hard to go from being invested in someones everyday life to not talking with them more than once every two weeks. It really sucks! On a happier note, it has been good to be home. I love my family, got to spend Christmas with them, and it's been fun to just catch up on "normal life" that everyone here has continued to have despite my absence. I'm involved in a super wonderful Bible study with a group of people that I absolutely love. It's so encouraging to have a night or two a week to spend with people that are incredibly on fire for the Lord, not only in things they say but also in what they do, how they live their lives. Some of them are friends I've had for a number of years, some I just met two weeks ago, but when I'm with them my heart feels at home, and I am so blessed to be a part of that group. Today I went and talked with my old boss and it looks like I will be going back to work in another week or two, which will be nice. It's fun to have some down time, but I also start to get a little restless after a while. Especially after this past year where I was almost always doing something. It's weird to just sit around! For a while it's nice, but then it starts to get old. I'm enrolled in classes at UWEC for nursing, short one that I need. Hopefully someone will drop it during the first week. I need chem 103 before I can get into a few other science classes I need to get into the nursing program, so we'll see how that goes. But, I guess that's about where I'm at. Life sucks sometimes, but for the most part it's not too bad :)  God has blessed me immensely, and I often can only sit in awe of all the things He's done for me and done in my life. He is one great God.

MILK!!

Here's a brief list of things that I missed while in Bolivia and have been enjoying since returning home (these are in no particular order):
-MILK! (I really like milk. They have milk in Bolivia, it just tastes really disgusting.)
-Snow
-Watching the Packers on a big screen (or just not via skype)
-Arguing with my Dad
-Being able to text my friends
-Deep fried cheese curds
-Frozen Pizza
-Driving!
-Cold weather
-So many friends and family members
-Being able to have deep meaningful conversations without having to ask "huh?", "what?" and "What does that mean?" all the time (ok, not all the time, but enough that it was annoying)


However, there is now a long list of things I miss in Bolivia (also in no particular order):
-MY BABIES!! Oh I miss them!!
-Chicken and rice. I ate that maybe half a dozen times while I was there, but now I'm just craving it!
-SPEAKING SPANISH! I'm afraid I'm gonna lose it
-Being able to get anywhere I wanted to go in 20 minutes or less for 3 dollars or less.
-Mi amiga Laura
-My church
-Cheap living expenses
-Coca-cola made with sugar
-saltenas
-A long list of missionary friends and Bolivians who had become much like family
-Micros
-Warm weather
-Did I mention my babies??

So as you can see, my world is now somewhat divided in two. I love being home (usually) but in some ways, oh how I long to return! I try not to dwell on the things I left behind, as it only makes it harder to move on, but as you can imagine I will always carry a piece of Bolivia with me wherever the road leads. I just pray it takes me back there someday soon.

Eight Days

    I finished my time at the home nearly a week ago now, and I can still hardly believe that I've begun the transition from life in Bolivia to life at home. My last shift was Wednesday night of last week and since then I have been free to catch up on sleep, spend some time with friends, and do lots and lots of souvenir shopping! I have been back to the home twice- once for a despedida (goodbye) and then today I went back to just to spend a few hours hanging out with the kids. It was great to go back and see them but strange in a way. It's nice to be able to just hang out and not have all the responsibility, although I did everything I would normally have done anyway. It's beginning to hit me though just how much I am going to miss them! I will be very sad to have to tell them goodbye. But it has also been a good time of being away from the home and trying to prepare for being back at my home. I'm still not sure how I will handle everything (if I'll be able to remain pretty chill or if I'll do a little freaking out...) but I know, I know, I know that God will be with me regardless of how I react to all the changes, and for that I am incredibly thankful. I keep thinking about/remembering back to when I had eight months left and was impressed that I had already made it through nearly three months here. How bizarre to now only have eight days. And wow, what a packed eight days they should be! I feel like I should have started gearing up to leave about a month ago... maybe then I'd be more ready. But, I've still got a few slots of free time to squeeze people in that I haven't "penciled in" yet, and I have a couple chunks of time to spend with my babies, and I think more than anything that's what I'll end up having wanted to do. Oh how I will miss those sweet little bundles of joy! Or annoying little bundles of tears and screams... either way you put it, I'm going to miss them so much. Thanks so much all who continue to pray for me! You are greatly appreciated. I'm a little nervous about how these next two to three weeks play out, but I am excited that this time should involve getting to catch up with many of you that I haven't been able to keep up with very well in my time here. Excited to see you all soon! God Bless!

"Christmas" Cookies

We got out the fake Christmas tree today and were putting up some decorations so of course we had to make some Christmas cookies too!

 I got the cookies in the oven and frosting whipped up and started digging around for the food coloring.

That's when we ran into a little trouble. Well, I'm quick on my feet, so when I realized that we only had blue and yellow food coloring I (like any proud Wisconsinite)

 came up with the brilliant plan to make "Yay For Being 11-0" cookies instead of "Christmas" cookies : )

I mean what other options did I really have?

Happy Thanksgiving

Things I'm thankful for today-

     -A group of 60 fellow missionaries to have a Thanksgiving feast with
     -Three girls to go out for iced coffee with and enjoy a stroll around the plaza
     -Getting to watch the Packers continue their undefeated streak via a projector equaling a really nice sized screen
     -Having Skype and getting to call home to chat with friends and family
     -Running water (we for some reason ran out for a when we still had dishes left to wash! After a few hours it came back)
     -My babies! And getting the opportunity to watch them grow and experience new things and see new places
     -Christmas music
     -All of you who are supporting and praying for me!!
     -And more than all else I'm thankful for Christ's love, grace, and mercy towards me

...I am so blessed! May God bless you richly as you have been a blessing in my life! Happiest of Thanksgivings to you all.

With Love from Bolivia,
  Samantha

November News

Hello Everyone!

    Just wanted to send up a quick update and let you know how things are going down here in Bolivia! The biggest news is that Esperanza is back in the hospital. She came down with an infection last week and went in Saturday- she should be there for a total of about ten days. She is doing better though! They've got her on some strong antibiotics and she is responding well. It appears that she has pneumonia in one lung and possibly a bone infection. Hopefully things will be cleared up in the next week with the meds she's on- we miss having her at the home! Prayers are much appreciated. It's been a little crazy at the home lately as well. We have six kids there now and the schedule has been rearranged to have two people stay the night but now there are also usually only two people on during the day. So, with Esperanza in the hospital it means there is one person there with her and one person at the home with the other five- three two-year-olds and two that are four months or younger. So between taking care of them and cooking and cleaning and doing laundry- lets just say it gets to be a bit chaotic. We have been blessed to have several volunteers coming to help us out while we are short staffed, but what we really need is someone to fill the one remaining staff position that's open. Then I'm leaving in a month, and another worker is leaving in January, so we really are looking for three people to come pretty quickly, so prayers are appreciated for that as well! I know of a girl that is pretty seriously looking at coming down from the States, and another Bolivian friend here is beginning to think and pray about it, so that's exciting, but we'll see how it works out. Other than that things are going pretty well at the home. The other kids are healthy for the most part, and it's just a joy to work where I do. I would also ask for prayers for myself as I'm getting ready to come home in less than a month!! I have two more weeks of working at the home and then two-ish weeks of possibly doing some traveling, and then saying goodbyes and such. On some levels I'm ecstatic to finally be coming home, but at the same time I know there will be many sad goodbyes. It will be an interesting time of transition, so I'm both excited and nervous.
     Thanks so much for your prayers! I'm excited to be seeing you all soon! Enjoy the snow for me if you can : )

~Samantha

Immigration

     Immigration. This is a place where I have "wasted" more than a few hours of my life when I don't want to be there and seem to accomplish nothing, but alas, every now and again I have a decent time there. Let me explain- I turned in papers in March to get my visa, they said it should be ready by the end of the month, and I still don't have it back. Need I say more? I feel like they're playing games, making up new requirements and searching for ridiculous things to make me do to have me waste more time and money. It's not my favorite place, and frankly, the people there can be down right annoying. But if I can get past all that, I actually have a decent time waiting in line/waiting for my name to be called.
     This is the place where everyone trying to come to or leave the country for any chunk of time has to go to file paperwork. This means for tons of people of all sorts of nationalities to wind up there- obviously Bolivians, Brazilians, Argentinians, Koreans, Americans, Chileans- you name it. You know what? God made people BEAUTIFUL! I love seeing all the different shapes of faces, colors of hair/skin/eyes, hearing the different languages and different Spanish or English accents of people from different areas. I am already a fan of "people watching" and you could hardly find a better place to do it. I'm so amused at people's inability to wait/listen to directions. I feel bad for the lady at the desk- what part of "Sientese" (take a seat) do you people not understand?? I know you want to figure out your paperwork- dude, that's why we're ALL freaking sitting here. You pestering the lady is just slowing it down for all of us, INCLUDING yourself. If you didn't want to wait so long, get here earlier! Learned that lesson today- yeah, wash laundry AFTER your trip to immigration. Ahh well, I didn't have anything else on my schedule for the day.
      On a side note, they told me to come back next wednesday or thursday to see if what I had turned in was acceptable. So I guess the trips will continue another week or two.... Immigration, what a love hate relationship we have.

Noncommittal

  Simply put, I'm a fairly noncommittal person. Looking back, I can hardly believe I came to Bolivia for a year. I think I've had a job once that I stayed at for a year, before coming here in 2007, but other than that I've never stuck with anything for that long. During school, I had nine months of work and three months of break/play. Any job I had (other than that one) I've always had for up to nine months, then went to Arrowhead for the summer to work, and then returned. So, really, in some ways I've never really made much of a committment to anything. I think it's for this reason that I'm so nervous about making decisions concerning college in January. I had a friend advise me that due to the competition in Nursing Programs in general, and the different classes that each school is going to list as requirements, the best way to go is to pick a school and stick with it for the entire program. Wow. I don't know exactly how long it will take me to study, but I'm guessing it won't be anything less than four year. FOUR YEARS! of my life, committed to one place. Granted, I'll have my summers free again to do what I want, but if I'm thinking about returning to the missions field (which I am) I'm going to want to graduate with as little debt as possible so I'm not stuck, in a sense. So I'll be working during my summers. Ugh. Yeah, noncommittal indeed. I know four years is not that long in the whole scheme of things, but, from where I'm standing right now, it's a good chunk of time! I know that God is calling me back to school, but that still doesn't make me very excited to go.

My New Baby

Internet is down at my house, so I'm not able to upload pictures, but I wish I could so you could all see my beautiful new baby Mariana! She is a year and a half old and arrived at the home Wednesday afternoon. It's been a couple of interesting days for her, that's for sure. My heart breaks for her, as she spends a fair amount of crying, staring and pointing at the gate, longing to go home, I'm sure. However, in her moments of distractedness she brings me much joy- her smile and laugh are so incredibly adorable!! I can never understand how on earth these parents can just give their kids away. She is slowly adjusting to life at the home. My other little girl, Abigail, loves having another little girl to play with. She's getting used to the schedule and is getting to know each of us workers little by little, but it's still easy to tell it's all a little (or very, really) foreign to her. I'm trying to imagine the thought process a child like that goes through being taken from a family setting, no matter how awful, and being thrown into a completely new environment where she nothing and no one is familiar to him/her. But it does make me happy to know that she is now in a place where she will have people taking good care of her and loving her and playing with her like a little girl her age needs. She is such a sweetheart. We need to take her to the doctor to find out how her health is, but as far as we can tell she doesn't have any outstanding health issues, but is just in need of a home and a little love. I'll have to get a picture up of her soon- she's such a little princess. Please pray for her and us through the adjusting process. It's different for every child, of course, but it reminds me a little bit of Diego's first week, and I know it was pretty rough- some moments were happy, some sad, some screaming wanting to leave, and just hard over all. It's hard to watch a child have to go through.

Recovery

Esperanza's back at the home! Wow, open heart surgery Monday, back at the home Thursday- that's pretty quick! We have her pretty well separated from the other kids, because ideally she would have spent a few more days in the hospital, but for a number of reasons she's back at the home a little early. However, this does speak of how rapidly she is recovering!! She stayed in the ICU until she came back with us, but the fact that she's already healthy enough to come home is incredible to me! Until Monday we will keep her pretty isolated for her own sake. Her lungs have some slime in them at the moment, which is typical after this type of surgery, and already normal for her because of her cleft lip and cleft pallet, but we have a physical therapist coming in each day to do chest compressions to help loosen up the flem, and we have her on a special schedule of moving her around in her crib/just changing her position to try and keep the fluids loose inside in the hopes of getting them out. Also, she's on a pretty rigid medicine intake. However, it's exciting to have her back. She's not quite back to herself completely, but she smiles and kicks around some when she's feeling a little better, which is really encouraging. You can tell she's still in some pain, but she is doing really really good for how recent she had her surgery. Thanks for all who have been praying! Monday she will have an appointment to see how recovery is going and then after that life will be able to go a little bit "back to normal" for her, although I'm sure we'll be keeping an extra good eye on her for more than a few more weeks to make sure she's getting better as she should.

Yay Surgery!

Yesterday was the big day! Esperanza finally got her surgery!! Yaayyyyyy : D  She went in Sunday evening to be prepped for surgery. The operation started around 8am Monday morning and by 11 or so she was all finished. They had thought she may be on a respirator for up to a day but came off in a mere six hours, and she appears to be doing really, really well. Kristin, the director of the home, got to go see her for just two or three minutes, and says she's looking great. Lots of tubes and everything, but she said her color has never been better. She's currently in the ICU and should be there another day or so, and then will be in the hospital up to a week depending on how she is. So, thank you all for praying! I can hardly believe it finally happened. After waiting for nearly nine months it's strange that every thing we waited for happened in just three hours. Couldn't this have happened eight months ago?? But, it's all done and all's going well now, so I suppose I can't complain. I'll be excited to see how she is able to put on weight and grow over this next month and a half (and further down the road of course).

News....

Hello Everyone,
  I just wanted to send out a quick note letting you know a couple things-
1) For those of you who didn't know, the family that is adopting my little boy Lucas finally got custody about a week ago! Hooray! So he's no longer at the home, which has been a little sad for me, but not as hard as I would have expected. The family has contacted us a few times and he seems to be doing really well. They said he was very curious about his new home and just taking it all in. He follows his new mom around the house saying "mama, mama" which is a good sign I guess :)
2) WE SCHEDULED HEART SURGERY FOR ESPERANZA!!! I don't think I'll fully believe it till I see/hear that she is on the table being operated on, but we made an appointment for October 17th, and the doctor says she can't wait, so I'm pretty confindent in the fact that it will finally be happening. Finally! You can pray for us as we try and get things in order, find volunteers to help us cover as we'll have to have people at the hospital, etc. I'm so excited but also a little nervous. But she really needs this surgery, and I know that God is in control, and I can trust in Him.
  Thanks for your continued prayers!
God Bless,
Samantha

Mixed Emotions But Hanging In There

     I can think of few other days in which I have been given more reasons to be joyful than this one, but I also find myself a little sad at the same time.  Just around a month ago I was informed that one of the boys at the home I'm working at was going to be adopted. I was told it would probably happen in about a week or two from then, and then every week I heard the same thing, that it was taking a little longer than expected, maybe following week the papers would all be finished. Well, today all the papers finally were finished. The adoptive family went before the judge this morning and were awarded custody of Lucas. Let me tell you, first and foremost this is a HUGE answer to prayers. I am so incredibly thankful that the Lord has provided my little boy with a mommy and daddy that are going to be PERMANENT in his life, Christians, who are going to love him well and teach him about Jesus. I don't have to worry about him when I leave, that he's going to feel abandoned again, or that he'll continued to be moved from children's home to children's home until he's an adult or runs away. God has blessed him and therefore blessed me. However, all that being said, I can't begin to say how much I'm going to miss having this kid in my life! A short time after he got here he latched onto me as his mom, for whatever reason, I really honestly don't know. But, for some reason, I'm the one he'd come to when he got a bump on the head and needed a kiss. He prefered to sit in my lap as opposed to my coworkers. He wanted to hold my hand when we walked to the park. As far as he knew, I was his mama. And while sometimes he was a little overboard- like when he'd scream and cry thinking I was leaving him when I entered the bathroom for two minutes- I don't think I could have enjoyed our relationship more. I have so many fond and funny memories with my little boy- tickle sessions, being painted on with chalk, singing him to sleep at night, eating ice cream when we got to go just the two of us to the grocery store, getting thrown up on when I tried to take him to cine center haha!, teaching him to blow kisses, dressing/doing his hair up for church, celebrating his birthday- the list could go on and on and on. I guess that's why in some ways I couldn't help but feel like they were taking my baby away from me.  It's hard to be someone's mom for nearly eight months and then just have him climb in someone else's car and watch them drive off! However, I'd say I've been holding up much better than expected (by everyone actually, lol). I'm not really one for waterworks, especially in public, so I think my coworkers and boss were a little surprised when three of them got choked up and I didn't. "You seem really chill" one of them told me after he had left. I don't know if it's cuz I cried some ahead of time, or if I just knew far enough ahead of time that it was gonna happen that I prepared myself, or maybe (most likely) God's just giving me an extra helping of grace today. But, overall I'd say I'm hangin in there. I'm remembering lots of fun moments and also wondering how he's doing. Did he fall asleep alright tonight? Does he miss his little companions here? Did he cry? I wish I could see everything in movie format. Ok, that's kinda creepy, but I'm curious, I'm not gonna lie. Anyway, all that to say this- thank you Jesus. You are way more incredible than I could ever imagine. And please give me strength during this next week or so as I adjust to the current strangeness. I miss my little boy! And it'll probably be harder when it hits me a little more that he's really gone. It's still just a little surreal to be honest. Your prayers are appreciated! And for the record I hope to go visit him in a month or something, after he's had some time to adjust. And then maybe once more before I leave. So it's not like I'll never see him again, it's just hard for me to think of him calling someone else "mama". Again, I'm super super thankful for this, but I still definitely have sad selfish feelings too : )  I know this is such a good thing, but it's still hard. But God is gracious and merciful and loving and in control. And I am so incredibly thankful that He did this for my little boy, for His glory, no doubt.

what's goin on in my life these days

     I can hardly believe another month has nearly come and gone. I've been away from home now for over eight months! That is so crazy to me. And only about two and a half months left- just as crazy to me. My time has been going by pretty quickly, but it's been so good.
     A little over a week ago we got the go ahead from the doctor to have Esperanza's surgery, which was very exciting! But now we have to find out where we can have it done- the doctor told us this a day after the team from the States left : (  So, we'll have to find out where and when and how much it will cost and see if we can find some people who would be interesting in giving towards the surgery, which should cost somewhere from 3-10 thousand dollars (if you would feel led to give towards her surgery you could let me or my mom know and I/she can give you more information on where money should go).
     The adoption process for my little boy Lucas is going pretty well, although taking a little longer than first expected. Last week some social workers came to visit the home and the family's home that he'll be moving into, and then today a psycologist came, and the family that's adopting him believes that he will probably be leaving sometime within the week. But, if there's anything I've learned in Bolivia it's that nothing's final till it's absolutely final, so we'll see. In some ways I'm so sad to see him leaving but his adoptive parents have been coming to visit every day so it won't be so shocking to him when he goes, and it's been exciting to see how much he's growing to love them, and it's been nice to get to know them a little better as well. I'm so thankful that he will have a permanent home and a family of his own!!
     Other exciting news- there's a new little one at the home!! This past Wednesday Miguel, an adorable one month old, arrived! He is so incredibly precious, I can't even put it into words. He has HIV, but appears to be pretty healthy. I don't have a lot of experience with kids this small, but he eats every two hours and sleeps most of the time in between, which I feel is probably pretty typical. It's been fun having him, but I'll admit it does add to the chaos! There are now five kids! And four workers, usually three of us scheduled but sometimes only two. It's a little crazy. But thankfully God has been faithful in providing volunteers as we need them.
     More than that things are going well. Everybody seems to be pretty healthy at the moment and the home is running well overall. Some days I'm full of energy and others I'm absolutely exhausted, but I've been spending a lot of time with my friends Heather, Amy, and Suzanne on my days off, visiting other homes or just sleeping at there house, and it's been really refreshing for me. They live a short walk from my place so it's been nice to have a sanctuary from the crying screaming children when I need it! And while I'm still enjoying my time I'm also getting excited about going home and getting back to school. I think I mentioned it in an update months back, but I'm planning to go to school in January to study nursing in hopes of returning to the missions field someday, if that's what God calls me to. I would really like to study at Augustana College in Sioux Falls SD but have also been accepted at UW-Eau Claire, so it will mostly come down to scholarships I'll be offered.
     Anyway, that's a little about the excitement going on in my life at the moment. Thanks for your prayers! Please pray for us as we continue adjusting to all the changes and the upcoming changes as well. It's a very comforting thought to know I have so many people back home holding me up in prayer! Also, I'd love to hear from you all, how you're doing or if there are way I can be praying for you as well! I miss you all and look forward to seeing you in a few short months.

Don't Do Nothing

     I'd just like to preface this by saying that it's not intended to anyone in specific. I just read things- books, facebook posts, what have you, and people are always pointing out what's wrong with the world, and sometimes I just get fired up because people wanna talk about problems but never offer to be part of the solution. So this post is to Christians as a whole, no one specific person. Maybe your doing doing great and accomplishing great things for the Glory of the Lord. Maybe you're going through a rough time and your struggling, wrestling. I don't know. Again, not trying to point fingers, I'm just saying. Anyways...
     What the world needs is more Jesus. As Christians I think we’re aware of this. So why are we not giving the world more of Him? I hear so many people complain about the lack of bold preachers, ask why we have no more Jonathan Edwards or Charles Spurgeons. Well, go preach!! Or, since we're not all called to be preachers, when’s the last time you prayed for your pastor to be filled with boldness?? People think it’s so sad that there are people living in the streets, that there are people dying of hunger- when’s the last time you’ve given someone hurting food to help them out? Maybe they’re not living in front of your house- I bet you could find someone in need if you really wanted to help.  We hear of children living as orphans because they’ve been abused and abandoned or have lost their parents. It’s heartbreaking. When’s the last time you’ve given of your time to love them?  Or prayed for parents for them? Or children that are victims of divorce- have you reached out to them lately? Don’t be a part of the complaining crowd. Be a part of the solution. We could spend forever talking about the needs in this world but if we make no effort to help fix the problem, aren’t we just adding to it? It’s easy to see what’s wrong. But you’re not helping anyone by simply pointing it out. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to point fingers at anyone, or make people feel guilty, not trying to get applause for what I’m doing, cuz really, there’s so much more I could do, more we all could do. I just implore you, please, instead of pointing out flaws with what others are doing, join them! Help them! Learn from them things that work and things that don’t and model your own outreach off of that. But don’t just do nothing. Don’t just talk about the needs of this world. Please don’t choose to do nothing.

Exciting Times

   It's an exciting time at the home right now.  About a week ago we found out that one of our boys is going to be adopted!! I'm a little bit sad because he's the one I most easily connect with and in many ways I feel like he's my son, but knowing that I'd be leaving him in a few months I couldn't be more thankful to God that he'll be going to a permanaent home.  Also last week we got another little girl at the home! She's two and a half and she's absolutely beautiful. Her name is Abigail. She doesn't have any major health issues like the other children of the home, but she comes from an abusive family, and the government agency had nowhere else to put her so we happily took her in. It took a little adjusting, for her and us, but I'd say it's going well. Then, during this coming week, we will probably also be taking in a two-month-old girl. She also has no major health problems that we're aware of, but it will still be interesting to adjust to having one so small around! But I'm really excited. Other great news- Esperanza finally got the ok to have her surgery!! There's no date scheduled yet, and I guess she has to have one more analysis done before it can happen, but we're hoping than that this coming month she'll be able to get an appointment, as I believe a team is coming down from the States that will perform the surgery for free. Thanks so much all who have been praying! Please continue lifting her up in prayer as it gets closer.
   Umm, I guess that's about all for what's going on right now. I think :) Thanks again to all who are prayerfully and financially helping me be here! I am reminded often of the fact that I couldn't be here without all those back at home supporting me. God Bless!

Como Puedo Dejarte?

Mi Querido Hijo,                                                        16/08/2011
   Oh como te amo! Yo no sabia que seria asi. Como te puedo dejar? Nunca hubiera creida que te amaria asi. Pienso de salir en deciembre y empiezo a llorar. Como te puedo dejar? Me acuerdo de este momento, el primer dia que llegaste. Yo estaba en mi cuarto dejcansando y quando me baje estabaj aqui voj. No me di cuenta en ejte momento que llegaria un dia en que lloraria por ti asi. Ya quedan solo quatro meses hasta que me voy y la unica cosa que ejtoy pensando ej que seria mejor salir mas temprano, porque si quedo por maj tiempo solo significa que te voy a causar mas dolor cuando me voy. Como te puedo dejar? Y que vas a pensar tu? Que yo solo era una persona mas en tu vida que te dejo?  Oh Dios, por favor no permitas que sea asi! Oh hijo, por favor, no penses mal de mi, oh mi querido hijo. Como te puedo dejar? Ejtoy imaginandote en tu cuna, en tu silla, al porton, esperando mi llegada como cualquier otro dia, y ejte dia no voy a llegar. Que vas a pensar? Oh como ejtoy orando por ti! Que Dios te de una familia que te ame, que tu puedas crecer en una familia con una mama, un papa, tal vez hermanos y hermanas, y que nunca tendres que pensar/preguntar que si o no estas amado. Que siempre sepas que Dios es tu padre. Mas que todo hijo me oracion es que conozcas al Senor Jesuscristo. Mas que TODO! Si creces en una casa con una familia que te ama- sepa que Dios te ama, y tu familia te vas a fallar.  Si crezcas en hogar mas hogar, y parece que no pueda confiar en nadie, confie en Dios, por que El es contigo siempre. NUNCA TE VA A DEJAR. El mundo es lleno de pecado, y es un triste lugar para vivir. Acuerdate que eso NO ES tu casa- tu casa es en los cielos con Cristo, tu Salvador y Rey. Oh hijo, como ejtoy pidiendo a Dios por ti! Que el venga con Su Espiritu y te de paz. Que siempre pueda sentir Su amor. Mas que todo hijo, tienej que saber que Dios te ama, que Jesuscristo murio en la cruz por TUS pecados, y por fe en El tu puedes estar salvado. Nunca vas a tener mas gozo que cuando estas caminando con El. Nunca.
    Me duele pensar de que despues de que me voy ej posible que jamas sepa lo que esta pasando en tu vida. Pero confio en Dios, y yo se que EL tiene un plan para tu vida, y eso ej mucho mejor que cualquier cosa podria hacer yo para ti. Eso ej la unica que me da paz en ejte momento. Oh hijo, como te puedo dejar? Nunca entendere que hice yo para que me amas asi. No me di cuenta durante que ejtaba pasando, pero ahora puedo ver bien que me amas como mama, y oh como me duele que te tengo que dejar. Siempre has puesto completamente tu confianza en mi, y yo voy a romper este confianza que has tenido. Cuando te dejo por un momento no mas, para ayudar con otro nino, rapidito vienej voj para buscarme. Cuando tengo que usar el bano empiezas a llorar, como nunca voy a regresar, como si fuera otra salida secreta adentro.
    Quiero que sepas que nunca cambiaria al tiempo que he pasado contigo. Cada vez que limpie a tu nariz, cada panal sucio que cambie, cuando te dormiste en mis brazos durante que te ejtaba cantando, cada momento que caminaba contigo jugando afuera, tu mano en la mia, caminando solo para ir a un lado y regresar. Voy a acordar a todo con ARTO gozo por siempre. Oh Fercho, por favor, no penses mal de mi, oh mi hijo. Oh mi hijo. Eres me hijo, como puedo dejarte aqui? Sin saber cuando vuelva, si algun dia te conocere otra vez, si vas a vivir con una familia o solo en hogares. Sin saber quien vas a ser en tres, diez, quince anos. Oh, pero confio en El Senor y los planes que tiene! Que mas puedo hacer? Son mejores que los que tengo yo. "Porque yo se muy bien los planes que tengo para uds- afirma el Senor-, planes de bienestar y no de calamidad, a fin de darles un futuro y una esperanza."-Jeremias 29:11.  En Cristo tienej que poner tu esperanza y confianza. Solo en El. Solo. En. El. Oh como te amo hijo, oh como te amo. Pero Jesus te ama mas. Mucho mucho mas.
   Que Dios te bendiga mi amor! Sepas que alguien en el mundo esta pensando de ti y orando por ti. Siempre seraj mi querido hijo.
   Con abrazos y besos y mas amor que sabes,
Mama Samantha

Above is a letter I wanna leave for one of my boys. For you non-Spanish speakers I translated it to English below. Seriously don't know how I'm going to leave this child here... Prayers are appreciated as my departure is not all that far off! My sincerest hope and prayer that the two of them would be adopted before I leave so that they're not being abadnoned by someone again. Especially the one who really looks to me as his mom. It absolutely breaks my heart to think about it.

My Beloved Son,                                                        08/16/2011
   Oh how I love you!! I didn’t know it would be like this. How am I going to be able to leave you? I never would have thought that I would love you like this. I think about leaving in December and I start to cry. How am I going to be able to leave you? I remember when you first got here. I was in my room resting and came down and you were here. I didn’t realize then that this moment would come one day when I’d cry for you like this. There are only four months left till I leave and the only thing I can think is that it would be better if I were leaving sooner, because the longer I stay the more it means it’s going to hurt you when I leave. How can I leave you? And what are you going to think? That I was just another person in your life that left you? Oh God, please don’t let be! Oh son, please don’t think poorly of me, oh my beloved child. How can I leave you? I just picture you in your crib, your chair, at the gate, waiting for me to arrive like any other day, and I’m not going to come. What are you going to think?  Oh how I’m praying for you! That God would give you a family that loves you, that you would grow up in a family with a mom and dad and maybe brothers and sisters, and that you would never question whether or not you’re loved.  That you would always know that God is your Father. More than anything else I’m praying that you would know the Lord Jesus Christ. More than ANYTHING. If you grow up in a home with a family that loves you- know that God loves you, and your family is going to fail you. If you grow up living in children’s home after children’s home, and it seems like you can’t trust in anyone, trust in God, because He is with you always. HE WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU. The world is full of sin, and it’s a sad place to live. Remember that this is NOT your home- your home is in heaven with Christ, your Savior and King. Oh child, how I’m praying for you! That God would come with His Spirit over you and give you peace. That you would always feel His love. More than anything, you have to know that God loves you, that Jesus died on the cross for YOUR sins, and that by faith in Him you can be saved. You will never have greater joy than when you walk with Him. Never.
  It hurts me to think that it’s possible after I leave that I’ll never know what’s going on in your life. But I trust in God, and I know that He has a plan for your life, and that’s going to be much better than whatever I could come up with for you.  This is the only thing that comforts me right now.  Oh child, how am I going to leave you? I’ll never understand what it was I did that made you love me like you do. I didn’t notice it when it started, but I can definitely see it now that you love me like I’m your mom, and it hurts me so much that I have to leave you. You’ve always trusted me, and I’m about to break that trust. When I leave you for just a moment these days, to help out with one of the other kids, you come running to figure out just where I went to. When I have to use the bathroom it always makes you cry, like I’m never coming back out, as if there were a secret exit somewhere inside.
  I want you to know that I would never change the time I’ve spent with you. Every time I cleaned your nose, every dirty diaper I changed, when you’d fall asleep in my arms as I sang to you, every moment I spent walking around with you, your hand in mine, just going from one end to the other. I’ll always remember everything with so much joy. Oh child, pleases, don’t think poorly of me. You are my son, how can I leave you here? Without knowing when I’ll be back, without knowing if someday I’ll meat you again, not knowing if you’ll live with a family or in children’s homes. Without knowing who you’ll be in three, ten, or fifteen years. Oh, but I trust in the Lord! What else could I do? They’re better than the plans I have.  “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  Put your hope and trust in the Lord. Only in Him. Only. In. Him. Oh how I love you child, oh how I love you. But Jesus loves you even more. Much much more.
   May the Lord bless you my love! Know that someone in the world is thinking of and praying for you. You will always be my beloved son.
   With hugs and kisses and more love than you know,
Momma Samantha

Mommyhood 202- Potty Training

     There have been lots of handy little "Mommyhood" lessons I've been learning- bathing kids (can you believe I've never bathed a child before coming to Bolivia?), washing cloth diapers, how to make home made baby food, etc. These lessons have all been pretty easy, and would probably be a level 101 class, just the basics. However, we really stepped it up a notch with this potty training business!! We officially started last Wednesday, and now, six days into training, I'd say we're well underway! The first day was kind of a joke- boy did the kids hate sitting on the big potty! It was pretty scary for them. So, on day two, my coworker Gaby went and bought two little training seats for them to use. They still weren't very fond of having their pants pulled down and having to sit there, but by day three or four they were warming up to it a little bit. On day five I invested in some dulces, or candies, to give them as a little prize for going in their little potties instead of their pants. Well, day six, we've had success!! Limited success, but success just the same. How exciting!! Wow, it sure does make a parent proud to see their kid catch on to something so quick. Again, they've got a ways to go, but it's impressive to see how they've come from being terrified to sit down to just wanting to sit there all day. It's pretty entertaining. I'm definitely feeling a little more prepared each day for being a mom, if that's in my future. I know I will be incredibly thankful for the time I spent here this year learning all about being a parent! ...I'll have to keep you posted on how they're coming down the road : )

A 2am Journal Entry

   So, it's two in the morning right now, oh joy. Meh.....  Another one of those "light bulb" moments I love and hate so much.  Esperanza awoke with a start and a loud cry about a half an hour ago. Ugh, do NOT  want to get out of bed! But I did.  Made a bottle, turned out she needed to be changed (poor kid has diarrhea) so I took her, still crying, and started to changer her.  The frustration is amplified by the fact that she is ridiculously bundled up, because we didn't pass 50 degrees yesterday.  Anyway, she paused the crying for a moment or two but mostly kept at it.  While finishing up I thought, wow, if I were God there would probably be a lot of cursing going on in heaven, lol. Children! Do I not take good care of you?! (For the record I don't swear and don't like it, but at certain times I can see how people can let words slip..) Why is it you cry and fuss as though I'm not going to give you what I know you want and dneed. Haven't I showed you time and time again that I take good care of you? So i headed from the changing area and gave her a bottle, and as I rocked her she ate and cried, and ate and cried. Child! Why do you still cry! My goodness.  I just gave you what you both want and need! And then I got my little "light bulb".  If you're living for yourself, it's not worth it. If you're living for your job or for going out on Friday night, it's not worth it. If you're living for your family- parents, spouse, or children- it's just not worth it!! But,, if you're doing it for Jesus, it's all totally worth it!   As I sat there feeding the little monster, as I sometimes like to call her, I thought God, I can't take this! It's freezing cold and it's late and it doesn't matter what I do, she's not content. Even if it means I get a crown in heaven, I don't care, it's not worth it. And then, interupting my thoughts I hear that little voice I wish I heard more often say- But what if those crowns are to be laid at the feet of Jesus? Boom.  That one hit me good.  Oh how often we forget that it's all about Him! If we were put here to glorify ourselves and nothing more, a miserable existence it would be indeed!
  Well Esperanza had to be changed again, poor thing, and I put her to bed and she went back to sleep pretty quick.  A total of about a half an hour of my time doesn't seem like much, pero cuesta! Sometimes it's hard! But what a small sacrifice to be made for the one who gave it all.  He must become greater, I must become less.  Glory be to You, oh God! Glory be to You, oh Jesus! Glory be to you and you alone. Amen!

Hello August!

Hey Friends!

   Wow, is it really August already?! Of all my months here I think July went by the fastest. I can only imagine that this is due to having had the team here and time with a few other friends that stayed a short while longer. I can't tell you how much my heart was refreshed during this time spent with so many people I love dearly. What a blessing.
   Things in the home are going well as well. Kids are all pretty healthy, praise God! The boys have been taking some meds for colds that they have, and Esperanza's currently on medicine to help with diarrhea, but overall nothing to seriously.
   As some of you may remember, back in May we sent in blood work for Esperanza to identify what chromosome abnormality she has, mostly just to know, but also to find out if there would be major risks if/when we would be able to get her surgery, and finally, FINALLY! we have received the results! According to the analysis she has a rare disorder called Monosomy 21, which means she was born with only one of the two 21st chromosomes we are each supposed to have. I've been doing some research to try and find out exactly what that means for her then, but haven't found a lot of info. There are very few other cases where this has been diagnosed, but from what I can gather children that are born with this can expect to live a normal length of life, and it's probable that she will develop both physically and mentally somewhat slower than is typical, but what that really means I don't know. But I think it was a comforting diagnosis in a way, knowing that it could have been something much worse. Also, I don't know what this means for her as far as surgery goes, but I would say it's optimistic. The Hoffmans have been gone for these last two months but are expected to be home this week, so in another week or two I feel like I'll know more about whether we're on track to get the heart surgery for her in September or not. I'm praying that yes! But we will see.
   Thanks for your prayers as always! I miss you all and am excited that I'm coming into the last third of my time here! It's exciting to see that the end is within reach, but I'm also excited to see how God continues to be faithful these next four months and how my kids continue to grow! 

Blessings!
   Samantha

Quick Update

Hello Everyone!

   Sorry for the long time without an update! Between working at the home and hanging out with the teams that have come from the States I've been keeping pretty busy!!
   These last few weeks could best be described by comparing them to the opening scene of the book The Cat in the Hat- dreery! There hasn't been a ton of rain, but the weather for the most part has just been miserably cold and cloudy and gloomy. While it doesn't get as chilly as it does up in WI, we also don't have heat, and it's hard to keep the cold outside! So the kids have been staying inside, because it's still a few degrees warmer at least, and we've been bundled up pretty good not doing a whole lot of anything fun. It was hardest for the boys I think- they don't really enjoy being so cooped up all the time. Fortunately, these last two days have been a little bit warmer so we've been able to go out for more than 15 minutes at a time. Hopefully we'll have a few more sunny days before it get's chilly again.
    Other than that things have been going pretty well. The boys are getting over bronchitis again and Esperanza has been a little stuffy but nothing too out of the ordinary.  With the chilly weather everyone seems to be catching a cold, but it could be worse I suppose. Back in mid May we sent in some blood work for Esperanza to find out what chromosomal abnormality she has and we were told that we would get results in a month. Well it's been a month and a half and still no results but they said maybe early next week they'll come in. We're interested in finding out what she has just to weigh the different risks there would be with surgery. No, still no surgery, but we're hoping maybe in September. We'll see I guess.
    It's been great having the teams here- I've been so encouraged spending time with them. I have a few close friends here and several that I've been enjoying getting to know better. What a blessing! It's like having a little piece of home here with me. I'd love your prayers, especially next week when the team leaves. That's going to be really hard for me. But, there are at least three girls staying here for a bit, and two of them are staying and going back with me in December, so it will be helpful to have them here.
    Thanks all for your continued prayers and support!! I hope you're enjoying these summer months back home!

In Him,
  Samantha

Thanks Mom and Dad!

  I was just thinking of all the great things I know/can do because I have such great parents, so I just wanted to take a moment to thank them for all the things people don't usually thank their parents for.
  Thank you Mom for giving birth to me! Thank you for all those sleepless nights you underwent as I must have cried out in hunger or need of a new diaper. Thank you Mom and Dad for sacrificing your time and own desires to take care of mine- I can only imagine the countless dirty diapers you changed! Thank you for weening me from the bottle so I could learn to eat real food. Thank you for potty training me!! How horrible would it be to still be in diapers! Thank you for teaching to brush my teeth so they didn't all rot out of my mouth. Thank you for taking care of me when I was sick- thanks Daddy for that one time you put those huge pills I had to take in sugar so they weren't quite as horrible, and putting vick's by my neck even though I didn't like it so I could breathe better and sleep at night. Thank you for taking me shopping with you. Thank you for NOT buying me everything I asked for, even if it sometimes meant me leaving the store screaming and bawling. I learned that I'm not always gonna get everything I want, and that's ok.  Thank you Mom and Dad for showing me that you loved me by giving me hugs and kisses, for tickling and cuddling. Thank you for showing me love by spanking me. Not that I ever really needed to be spanked... ok maybe...  I learned that there are boundaries in this world, things I can and can't do.  Thank you for tucking me in each night. Thank you for teaching me how to read!- The Foot Book by Dr. Seuss. Thank you for letting me come into your room at night when I was scared or couldn't sleep and letting me sleep on the floor by your bed. Thank you loving me unconditionally- when I refused to eat your tuna hotdish and green beans or wouldn't take the koolaid of the table, or when I broke your camera tripod,  or when I was disobedient and stubborn just for the sake of being stubborn, or when I wouldn't clean my room or when I slammed my door and had to open and close it a hundred times. Thank you for having patience! Thank you for putting up with me Mom as I invaded your space in the kitchen- I now know how and have a passion for cooking because of you. Thank you for teaching me great card games like Euchre and Cribbage and Canasta. Thank you Dad for the innumerable times you helped me fix my car when I was having problems. Thank you for that one time you had to bring me gas cuz I broke down, even though you told me the week before I needed to write down what my mileage was when filling up so I could know in time to fill up again.  Thank you for pushing me to get good grades. Thank you for not letting me starting dating when I was twelve. Thank you for giving me a cell phone when I was 15, but not until then. Thank you for taking me to church and CBC/youth group every week and teaching me what it meant to be a follower of Christ. Thank you for sharing the Gospel with me and praying with me and including me in Bible studies even when I was little. Thank you for instilling in me a sense of right and wrong. Thank you for treating me like a little girl and young lady. Thank you for letting me play dress up with your heels Mom and dolling me up with your make up and curling iron from time to time. Thank you Daddy for all the times you called me beautiful. Thank you Mom for showing me what it means to be a beautiful woman. Thank you for giving me responsibilities around the house so that I learned what it meant to work. Thank you for encouraging me to get a job of my own and for teaching me to be independent. Thank you for standing with me even when I made decisions you weren't a fan of, such as leaving school, and thank you for telling me what you thought, even though it wasn't what I wanted to hear. Thank you thank you thank you for praying for me. Thank you Mom for setting the example of how to be a mom. Dad, thank you for living in such a way that I can have a clear and accurate picture of God as Father- so so so many people can't understand what it means to have a loving Father in Heaven. How sad!  Thank you for all the advice you gave when I did or didn't ask. Thanks Dad for randomly buying me flowers. Thank you for teaching me different qualities that I should look for in a husband. Thank you Mom and Dad for laughing both at me and with me and teaching me to lighten up and have a sense of humor. Thank you for being a shoulder to cry on. Thank you for encouraging me to be involved in things but not being dissapointed when I chose not to. Thank you for both for being someone I can talk to about the boys I like, share the problems and hard things I'm facing with, or blab on and on with about the boring details of my day that I just had to share with someone.
   Basically thank you for being my parents. Thank you for being my parents instead of my friends, but also treating me as a friend at times as well.  There are probably a hundred other things I could put in here but this is a start at least. Thank you for taking your role in my life seriously. I don't know who I would be without you both, but I know it probably wouldn't be pretty. So I just wanted to say thank you...

Half Way

   If there's one word to describe my life these days it's "busy"!  A week and a half ago some friends of mine from Arrowhead Bible Camp arrived here to do a two-week camp with missionary students so during my free time I have been hanging out and helping them.  It's been so exciting for me to have them here. I've been missing my family a lot lately so it's been very encouraging for me to have some of my "extended family" to hang out with! I've been getting a lot of time to just rest with them, but also have had a lot of fun playing old camp games like Boppity-bop-bop-bop, American Eagle, Bolivian Rugby, and many others, as well as watch some movies, spend time in the Word and worship together. It's been a pretty good balance of crazy and relaxing, but busy for sure.
   At the home things are going pretty well- we took the three kids to the doctor last week and they were all doing pretty good except the two little boys have bronchitis, but that doesn't seem to slow them down much! I sometimes wonder where all that energy comes from and how I could get some for myself! Esperanza is doing well also, putting on weight little by little and staying in pretty good health.
    Something else that's fairly exciting for me is that it looks like my mom is going to be getting my plane ticket home for the seventh of december so that means I'm just about to my half way point of being in Bolivia!! I know that's still a long time to go- five and a half months, but it's crazy to think that I've already been here for that long. I'm excited to see how much the kids continue to grow and change during my second half!
    Thanks so much for your prayers and financial donations- I wouldn't be able to be here without your help! Thanks for joining me in the work of Christ! I miss you all and hope this update finds you well.

June Update

   Just wanted to give a quick update on how things are going down here in Bolivia : )  Last time I sent an update I could not believe that it was already May, and now we're half way through June and I still can't believe it! It was hard for my time with Naomi to come to an end but after about a week I was pretty well adjusted to having my room to myself again.  

    Last week I had the opportunity to go with four other girls my age out to the San Fernando Valley, which is a two hour flight in a six person plane towards Brazil. It was such an amazing experience! We were going to visit a gal named Katie Wells and hoped to be an encouragement  to her, and while we were there we did a lot of just hanging out and seeing the small town- population is estimated to be about five hundred. Katie lives in a little living space that's attached to one of the two churches there and we stayed with her and her "house" mate Dina. There was a little bit of electricity, it came and went really, so there were no refrigerators. Can you imagine living without a refrigerator? I can't! And she also had a limited amount of running water. Once you ran out, you ran out. That's so weird to think about coming from a place  like I do! While we were there we did a little skit for the kids and lesson on how to be a "good samaritan" and also led the Tuesday night church meeting, singing songs, giving a Bible lesson, and doing another skit. I definitely felt like I was on a mini missions trip. It was very refreshing for me to spend some time with my friends and get to know them a little better, and just have a small break from being in the city and being at the home. 

    Then, this last Thursday, the first of the Arrowhead team arrived!! I was so excited to be able to go pick them up from the airport and have been hanging out with them here and there since then. They have been so encouraging to me! 

    I would love for you to be praying for me over these next 6 weeks or so as my schedule will be fairly crazy. I'm still working my schedule at the home as usual but trying to spend time with the team when I'm able to, but I don't want to over do it! I do need sleep every once in a while! But if you could I would love prayer just that I would be spending my time wisely, enjoying that the team is here but still resting as needed. Also, please pray for me as I consider my plans for when i come home. I know it's nearly six months away, but as I've been thinking and praying through what to do I'm slowly trying to develop a plan, and so far that plan includes going to school for nursing. Unfortunately, that's about all that is in the plan... I'm not sure where I'm going to go or where I'll live or work, and I feel like I should be applying to schools and for scholarships now if i want to go in January. So, prayer for direction and peace about that would be greatly appreciated!!

A Walk Down Memory Lane

   Yesterday I had the wonderful opportunity to visit an orphanage that I spent much time at back in 2007, El Ebenezer. This place is home for 10-15 boys between the ages of 6 and 25 with mental and physical handicaps. It was such a blessing to get to go, but it also was sooo incredibly surreal! In my nearly five months of being here I hadn't had/taken the opportunity to go, and I'm very excited that I finally did.
   So many things were fun and very nostalgic for me. First of all, I went with Heather and Kayleen, so it felt "just like old times". I easily recognized where we were as we were getting a little closer, and then driving down the very familiar road that Kayleen and I would walk to and from the bus on those two days a week we visited. Then waiting outside their door and going in I was just overwhelmed by the familiarity of it all and how strange it was to finally be back! I went in and was greeted by a few kids but almost instantly the drooly Richard grabbed my hand (with his drool covered) and led me around for the next 20 minutes, mostly just walking back and forth from one end of the property to the other (not big at all). It was so incredible to just see how the home had changed! I remember just the very rustic set up of it, now it's all tile and pretty nice looking! I couldn't help but just marvel though at how the kids had grown!! It's been over three and a half years since I've seen them and boy have they gotten big! I remember little Jorge, who I feel like would have been around 10, maybe 12. Each time I went I was his "teacher" helping him and a handful of others trace letters. Such a cute little squirt. He's now taller than I am! And my dear little Julio! He was probably the same age as Jorge, and in my class as well. I remember him loving dancing- just bouncing up and down mostly- and now he's talking much better but his voice has gotten deep/scraggly, you can tell it's changing. And he's grown so much!  Some of the boys are like they always have seemed to be- Jaime, Roberto :)  And I got to meet some new faces as well. There were three boys that were at school when we were there so I missed them, which made me sad, but I'll have to go back sometime soon when they're around then I guess. After being there for a little while we gathered the boys into one of the rooms to do a little Bible story and color a picture and eat little chocolate covered cookies, and as they were sitting there and I was taking it all in I couldn't help but think of the two little boys I'm taking care of now, and how much they're going to change when I leave! It's going to be so hard to leave them here. I know, I know, it's six months away, but then that's just gonna make it all the harder! I'm not usually one for waterworks, but I'm guessing I'll be doing some crying when my time to leave approaches!
   But, as far as Ebenezer goes, I was really glad I finally made it over there and look forward to hopefully going back again before too long. It's exciting to leave and come back and just see God's faithfulness in taking care of the kids, providing for the home there, seeing how dedicated the staff still are- all of these were very encouraging to me. It was a very good way to spend a chunk of my day off :)

Looking Back

    It’s crazy to think about how much can change in four months.  Four months ago yesterday we were still waiting for children to arrive at the home. Four months ago today, however, the first little baby arrived to be taken care of at Judah Quy.  Less than a week later two more little ones arrived, and we’ve been working with these three since then. Some days are tough and I feel like we're not accomplishing anything, but when I look back over these last four months I see that I couldn't be more wrong!

  Esperanza came to us at 11 months of age and the size of a newborn.  She has since then put on nearly 2 pounds, and greatly improved in health!! She came to us eating less than 40 mL of milk in a sitting, and now is eating baby food and drinking between 60 and 90 mL! Also, that night she first arrived and the first few weeks to follow, she was very stiff, inactive, and quiet. If you were to see her now you would hardly believe she’s the same little girl! She can sit, almost by herself, she’s rolling over, kicking, waving her arms, even when she sleeps she keeps moving around. She’s also gotten to be a loud little chatterbox! She’s smiling and cooing all the time, and her cry is not one you could ignore.  One more thing that’s so different is that she’s no longer having seizures! I remember the first few times she had these attacks we wondered if we weren’t losing her. She stopped breathing and responding to anything and just got blue in the face. It was so scary! After a while her attacks got less severe, where she would continue breathing but just not respond, and recently we got her on a new medicine and I believe it’s been over a month since her last attack! Praise God!

  Then there are my two little boys, Lucas and Diego, who came later on that week. While they didn’t come with any health issues like Esperanza, but they’ve undergone their own types of improvements. The first week was the worst for little Diego. I can still picture the poor little guy, standing pointing at the door just balling wanting to leave! It was a tough adjustment for him.  And for a long time after he just was not a very happy fellow, but lately he’s so much happier, it just makes me smile. Lucas was a little bit quiet when he first came as he adjusted to being here, but overall he didn’t mind so much. But, you can tell that he’s been growing and learning in his time here. Both the boys have improved in their talking, although they’ve still got a long ways to go! They didn’t really speak at all when they arrived, but their vocabulary now contains probably four to six words. It doesn’t sound real impressive, but it sure helps us when they can tell us a little bit of what they want as opposed to pointing and squawking for everything!! They’ve also listen/obey better than when they came (well, Lucas is more of the trouble causing one than Diego, but anyway…).  They’re walking and running with fewer issues and are no longer terrified to climb up and go down the slide by themselves.   I know they both have a long way to go and are far from what’s healthy for kids their age, but on harder days it is nice to look back and see how far they’ve come since getting here. They are growing, they are learning, and most importantly they are being loved and cared for. 

    I’m sure many other things have changed in these last four months, whether they’re things I can’t remember or didn’t even notice to begin with. God is at work here, and there’s no denying it! I’m so blessed to be a part of this. I know God is changing things in me too. And I look forward to being here and seeing God continue the work that He’s started, both in the kids life and my own.

Half Way Through May

     It's hard to believe but just a few days ago marked FOUR MONTHS of me being down here! It's crazy to think of how much time has gone by. Everything is going pretty well at the moment... I was sick starting on Easter for about a week but since then have been healthy. My kids have been sick on and off but for the most part are doing well. I'm not sure when I last updated you how Esperanza was doing, but right now it looks like we're planning on getting her surgery in September when a team comes down from the States that can do it for free (Lord willing of course!). The home has been undergoing a number of changes lately since two of our staff members left, but we're back up to four people again, and today we had an hour long meeting just about team building stuff. I'm really excited to get to know the two new women God has brought here. One girl, Laura, is about six months older than me, and she seems super wonderful. It's nice to have someone around that's my age. You could pray for us as we are all still getting to know each other and trying to form good team skills.  Also my very dear friend Naomi Brandt is down visiting me for three weeks, and I can't tell you what a huge blessing she has been to me!! I don't know if I've ever gotten so little sleep, but oh, I'm enjoying every minute I spend with this girl! It has been absolutely a gift from God, and it was at a perfect time for me. I'm not a big fan of change a lot of the time, so it was a little hard for me with everything going on at the home, but I've been able to breathe a bit easier with Naomi around. It's been great to have some extra help, and I love that someone is getting to know my kids! I have wonderful friends here that visit me on occasion but haven't had lots of time to spend with my kids, so it's great that I will have someone to talk to about them, whether good days or hard days. Also, two weeks ago a team came down from Wisconsin with some people I know- Heather and Kayleen's parents- and I got to spend some time hanging out with them as well. It was so great to just be with people from close to home (all were from Wisconsin) and they included Naomi and me in their group when we were able to join them just as if we had come down with them. It was so much fun.
    Well I feel like this was a rather short and scatterbrained update, but I just wanted to let you all know that everything's still going fairly well down here in Bolivia :)  I would love for you to be praying for me as I continue to adjust to the changes at the home. Also pray for me as Naomi leaves (still a week and five days with her) as that will probably be pretty hard for me. I miss home a lot, so it's gonna be hard for me to see her go and stay behind myself. As far as my kids go you could pray for their health! They've been sick lately with different things, but nothing to horrible. I just know it's not fun for them and I feel bad when they're feeling miserable.
     Thanks so much to all of you! I miss you and would love to hear any random news from home, exciting or not :)

Change (Note: This post has nothing to do with President Obama)

   Have you ever read those jokes about how many of a certain church denomination it takes to change a lightbulb? My favorite one is probably about us Baptists and goes something like this:  How many Baptists does it take to change a lightbulb?  -Change? What do you mean "Change"?!? This stereotype that we don't like change pretty much fits me to a tee, so it’s no surprise that it was a little difficult for me when I found out two of our four staff were leaving and would have to be replaced.  I can’t say that I was really close to either of the ladies that were leaving; the one girl I never really worked with since she was on the opposite 24 hour shift as me. But I got along with them and we all worked pretty well together when we did work at the same time. However, due to some scheduling difficulties they both decided to leave and we were left to find new staff members. Well, praise God, we had one new lady start last Tuesday and another girl is starting this coming Tuesday! We weren’t sure how long it would take to find people who were interested in giving so much time to children, plus have to raise their own finances to be here! But God provided quite quickly, and for that all of us are quite thankful.  There were a few days where there were only two of us to cover all the shifts, which made for a pretty chaotic schedule! Anyways… Change. Yes, it’s been interesting getting to work with a new lady. She has two kids ages 9 and 11, which makes her older than me by a ways, and it’s strange to be training in someone new in that position. Granted, most of the jobs are just being a mom figure, but there are still lots of little questions to be answered and jobs to be shown, and it’s strange when I feel like she must know what she’s doing way better than I do! And it’s just different to have someone that isn’t accustomed to the schedule of meals and medicines and have to walk them through that. The original four of us started out within a week or two of each other and have worked together to build the routine we now have, so it’s odd to have someone that doesn’t just know what to do! I think it will be great, it’s just gonna take a little getting used to all. For everyone. And then this other girl is coming in a few days, and it will be a little adjusting, but I’m excited to get to know these new girls and hopefully learn something from them and just watch God at work here through them and us as a team.
  Right now I’d say the thing that has me most frazzeled is that one of the girls I can’t understand very well. The other ladies that I’ve worked with were very good about speaking slowly when necessary and annunciating or explaining with different words to get their ideas across, but this new lady does not! Haha. So this has been/will be a bit of a challenge for me just till I get used to the way she talks and can understand her better. The other people here understand her fine, so I know it’s me and my poor Spanish, and I’m not sure if that makes it better or worse, but it’ll just take some time to get used to. Hopefully not a lot of time, because it’s hard enough to get used to someone new when they speak your own language, ya know? But it’ll all be alright. I just have to work on my listening skills. Anyways, it should be interesting to see what kind of new group dynamic forms. We also developed a new schedule so I’ll be working more day time hours but have more nights/evenings free, and every once in a while I get to sleep in! Which is very exciting! But also adds to the newness of things. But, it means that I will get to work with everyone on and off, and that’s exciting for me as well. So, while I dislike change in general, I’m am excited to see what the outcomes of this change will be. God has a purpose for it all, I’m sure, so I guess we’ll see!

Community

Wednesdays are one of my favorite days of the week, probably only second to Sunday, because of the weekly SAM (South American Mission) Prayer Meeting. Each Wednesday afternoon a group of missionaries gets together for a time of worship, usually a short lesson, prayer, and supper. I haven't been able to go too often, but when I do I feel like it's quite a treat! Songs and messages in English, hanging out with friends, it's just a good time.
Well tonight was something a little different- celebrating the two boys of the group that are graduating this year. It was fun to hear them share some of their future plans and watch a little slide show of pictures. The most enjoyable part though, I think, was having four different people of the group (I would guess there's around 30 that usually attend) get up and share stories and words of advice to the graduates. I loved the sense of community that I felt with them. Some of their teachers shared, some friends, and the director of the school. I just loved how it was almost like the small town feel I get back home- they're such a tight knit little group. Their kids have grown up together, and they've shared each others burdens for years at this prayer meeting and out on the battle field, whatever their specific "missions" call them to here. I couldn't help but want to be part of such a connected, caring community. I feel somewhat connected to the one here of course, but I've only been here for such a short time- I look forward to having a support team like that some day. Whether it be here or back home in Wisconsin or somewhere else- I feel like our culture screams such an independece that we forget it's good to be interdependent too, sharing each others' lives, through both good times and times of struggle. I admire the family feel they have, and the love they have for one another. I don't want to misrepresent the community of my home church, for example, but I feel like here they just do life together, and I think there's an aspect of that that we miss out on back home. Anyways, it was just very comforting and encouraging to me. It was one of those moments that my heart just felt at home. I like those moments.

Blowing Kisses

     Another long week is coming to a close, and I've learned a number of little lessons.  Last Saturday morning we took one of our little boys, Diego, into the hospital.  He had been running a high fever and hadn't been feeling well most of the week prior, and we found out he didn't actually have dengue like we expected, so we thought it best to take him in and find out just exactly what was causing this. After doing an x-ray the doctor informed us that the bronchitis he had seemed to be getting over had actually turned into pneumonia! Yikes, poor kid! So we started him on what would become a five-day IV treatment and week long stay in the hospital. Since one of the other workers here was sick I ended up staying with him in the hospital for most of his stay, which was interesting to say the least.  First off, I don't wanna say that this kid hates me, but I'm pretty sure of all the workers at the home I'm probably his least favorite. So I felt a little bad for him that I was the one he had to put up with. It didn't hurt my feelings that he didn't particularily want me there at times, but I did feel a little bad on his behalf. Anywho, here was my first lesson- how much easier is it to love those who already love us! I was just shocked again at how I heard God talking to me, this time saying, "Hey, I did this for you, you do it for him. I didn't love you because you were lovable, I loved you despite that fact that you were quite unlovable." I could just see myself in little Diego's place! Praise God He doesn't wait till we're lovable!! Oh my goodness, so many times He's taken care of me when I wanted to turn my back on Him, and so many times I've spit in His face despite the loving Father He is!
     Well fortunately for me as the week progressed Diego became more lovable once he got a little better, with a big improvement in his attitude. And though he was still more than a little tempermental at times, I was able to get him laughing and smiling again, which brought me so much joy I had tears in my eyes.

His second to last night, playing around when he should have been getting to sleep!!

      I have to say though, that the most difficult part of staying at the hospital wasn't that Diego was upset the majority of the time. It wasn't that they didn't give me any food, that I never got any sleep, or that most of the nurses thought I was just plain dumb (though this did drive me pretty crazy!).  The part that was the hardest about being there was not being at the home!! Oh how I missed my little Lucas! Since I stayed most nights in the hospital, even one or two when I wasn't technically scheduled, the only time I was really back at the home was to catch a few hours of sleep. So I would come and go and see my other two kids in passing, enough to say "hola" and "chau" and give a quick hug and kiss, but that was about it.  I couldn't believe how hard that was!! When people leave Lucas often starts crying, which just made it harder for me to go. "I wanna stay with you, but I gotta go to the hospital!!" I'd tell him, but that didn't really help him much, and the last few times I kinda felt a little like crying myself! Anyway, today I finally got to stay home, for the first full day since last Thursday a little over a week ago, and I couldn't have been more happy about it. It was so great to spend the day with my little boy! He helped me hang up laundry, we had a little dance party and he let me spin him around a bit, and it was just fun to sit with him.

     These last few weeks I've been trying to get him to learn to give kisses, and he kinda gets the idea, but instead of putting his lips to your cheek he puts his cheek to your cheek. It's pretty cute, and funny. Anyways, a couple times I blew him kisses, and that he picked up on really quick! Well, after a long week away, today I was thinking just about how much I take for granted and how I get caught up in the busy things that make up much of my life, and how most of those things really don't matter. I don't want to waste all my days worrying about tomorrow- I'd much rather live for today and soak up the moments that are filled with joy. I don't want to look back on life and see all the dishes washed, clothes folded, meetings attended, assignments turned in- I'd much rather look back and remember this little boy blowing kisses.

Random thoughts you probably didn't care to know, but I felt like sharing :)

As I lay in the hamock last night taking a little rest before bed these were a few (few?) things I was thinking about (Sorry I'm so random, sometimes I can't help it...)-
I'm always surprised to finally find out how tired I am. I don't seem to realize it till I fall asleep and nap half the day!
Really? Obama is kicking off his re-election campaign already?
Ha, Bears fan laughing at my Packers jersey... Last time I checked mine's got the Super Bowl trophy pic on it, your's doesn't ;)
Some things just make you smile and laugh. Like the guy that whistled at me today, or the guy that added me on skype with a message saying "holaaaaa guapa", or "hey beautiful" lol. Do you usually get a response to that?
The weather is finally appears to be cooling down... Yay!
Something I really look forward to about marriage (assuming I get married someday) is having someone to cook for :)
I really feel like giving someone a foot rub right now, is that weird?
You know those days where you look at yourself in the mirror and think "hmm, I look good today"? I had one of those today, and it made me happy.
The letters to the Thessalonians are really good! I'm glad I randomly decided to read them.
I'm really glad that I am down here with Heather and Kayleen again. It's so fun to have a place to go hang out on my days off, and it's also fun to reminisce old times with them.
I had a realization today (and I'm not sure why I never thought of this before, but,) the worst part about hell isn't the fact that it's a lake of fire or that there's weeping and gnashing of teeth and all that, but that those people will never ever have a chance to see Jesus as Saviour. They will see Him and experience God's wrath, but they will experience eternity away from Christ, instead of just being in His presence. That's more sad than all the other stuff combined! Never getting a chance to taste His sweet forgiveness and grace and love and mercy.
I can't help but marvel at the fact that God has chosen to reveal Hisself to me. Clearly by no merit of my own, but somehow God saw fit to save me from myself, despite myself, and it is so humbling! I'm so thankful to just know Christ and His love for me. Isn't that what it's really all about?

Please Pray

 

 It was another long day for Esperanza with several doctor visits. Can I just list off all the problems she's got? Aside from the whole in her heart and her cleft lip and pallate (these things we're trying to get surgery for), she currently has bronchitis which we're afraid may turn in to pnuemonia if not given attention (she's trying to cough up the flem but it just won't come out), she's been having seizures with another attack today before going into the doctor- we've had a brain scan done and nothing shows up, she is also having urinary/kidney problems, and for that she's staying in the hospital for 24 hours to have a catheter put in so that they can run some more tests. There are just so many things wrong with this poor child! We've been doing the best we can these last two months to give her the attention she needs- love from us, and medical attention as well, but it seems like everytime we've almost got things figured out, and that we can finally schedule her heart surgery, something else comes up. Before she went into the doctor this evening we sat down as a team and just spent a little time in prayer, and we've come to realize this is all there really is left to do. I don't want to say I think she's going to die, because she's been putting up a good fight for so long, and I know that God can heal her, but for the first time tonight I think it hit me just how grave of a situation we're in. If things aren't handled carefully, she could die. All these things happening to a little baby girl that weighs less than nine pounds, even though she's over a year old. It's just heartbreaking.
  So, would you pray with me? Pray for little Esperanza, that God would heal her? "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." Philippians 4:6. This is a verse I've kept close at hand lately. I'm so thankful for a God who hears our requests! Thanks so much!

These Last Few Weeks

  A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to go on a bit of a tour about the country. It was so much fun!! Up until this point I had never been outside of Santa Cruz, so it was very exciting for me to get to see some different places and cultures that the country has. The main cities we visited were Sucre, Potosi, La Paz, and Cochabamba, along with a few small towns along the way. Our travels were mainly on a windy road that took us through the hills of the Andes and on the altiplano, or high plains. So many views literally took my breath away! God is a very artistic Creator! I don't think I've ever seen anything so beautiful. It was interesting to see how people lived in these places as well. There were many little pueblos scattered along the road, but sometimes there would just be a small group of houses built at the foot of a mountain, or just single houses built at random on the hillside. Some were big enough to sleep in and no larger! There were terraces built in to the mountain side as well, and there were cattle and donkeys and llamas all over the place. I had to wonder how they kept track of their animals out there- some people had pens, but with so many scattered along the road I had to wonder if sometimes your animals just left and you never saw them again!  Then, in comparison, not long after this I was in La Paz, which very much reminded me of the States. I felt very out of place, though I'm not sure why. We stayed in the wealthier part of town, and I got a little tour from a girl that goes to the vineyard church there, and I just couldn't help but wonder at the difference of lifestyle between this place and the people living on the altiplano. I tried to imagine for a moment what it must be like to live like they do, but it's simply unfathomable to me.
Anyways, overall I had a lot of fun but was glad to be back home. We were gone for 9 days and drove about 1500 miles at an average speed of probably 30 miles an hour. It was beautiful, but after 10 hours in a car it doesn't really matter whether the scenery is pretty or not, you just want out! And while I loved seeing the different cities, they all seemed to be very touristy, and Santa Cruz simply feels more like home. Not sure why, but it just does. And it was good to see my kids again. I missed them! They seemed a little mad at me and were kind of "stand-off-ish" for a while, but after a full day back things were normal again, and I was thankful for it.
A little update on Esperanza- she's still hanging in there, but still hasn't had her surgery.  I was thinking through in my head what all she's got wrong with her (some of these are new, some not)- she's got a whole in her heart, she has cleft lip and pallate, she's having seizures, she may or may not have a urinary infection, she now appears to have a kidney stone, and she as of recent has bronchitis, probably from the boys who both have it as well. Holy smokes! Poor girl! But despite all the bad she seems to be gaining weight, which is a blessing from God, and she's looking pretty great (as in not skinny and sickly, but she is a little cutie in general :)  So, no surgery scheduled, but hopefully it will be soon (yes, I think that's the same as it's been for the last month or longer, but we're getting closer!!).
Hmmm, yep, I think that pretty much sums up these last few weeks...